Shanon’s Blog

I could be the best and fastest dance learner EVER. So last night I was hanging out with Mary and her kids. I don’t remember why, but for some reason we got on YouTube and started looking at different dances that people are doing a lot these days. Of course the Crank That Soulja Boy dance was one we had to look at.

I’ve tried this dance before, but not with the dedication that I had for it last night. Julia is Mary’s daughter and was equally as excited to learn the dance. So we did. We watched JC’s version on the website, but he’s just too fast. So then we went to the Soulja Boy tutorial itself and we were superstars. We practiced. Mary critiqued. We corrected. We perfected. Then we decided to video tape the performance. Let me just say…we are ROCKSTARS. I will so post the video as soon as I figure out how. I’ll just tell you right now, though. It’s AMAZING. I really didn’t know how much rhythm I had until I saw myself do Soulja Boy. But now I know and my dancing confidence is renewed.

I’m sleepy today. I had the worst time getting up this morning and I don’t even know why. I went to bed fairly early and fell asleep pretty quickly since I didn’t take a nap yesterday. All that I wanted was a Sugar Free Red Bull. It’s the little things in life that make me the happiest. You know what? We didn’t have any Red Bull. Not even a regular one. I’ll drink any kind of Red Bull when I need it like I did today, but there was none to be had. I even considered just licking the Red Bull refrigerator to get my fix. I didn’t because I don’t think the thing has ever been cleaned. I know it hasn’t unless the nice people who bring the Red Bull have cleaned it. I’d probably get the staph again if I licked anything other than myself at this studio. Or maybe tape worm or something horrible like that.

It’s Halloween and I’m not dressing up. I have no desire to. Unless I go as Soulja Boy. He’s as cool as I am, so I think I could maybe pull that off. Except that I’m not a soulja, nor am I a boy, and I’m not black. But those are minor details that I am willing to look past if I so desire. But for now I’ll just be me, which really isn’t so bad. If I can make the pointless walk down the hallway in the morning to get the newspapers that I know won’t be delivered yet and keep a smile on my face, I know things in my life are pretty great.

Yesterday was best described as blah. Nothing great, nothing bad….I just “was.” Sometimes days like this are OK, but I like falling asleep at night feeling either really good about the day or bad enough to cry. I don’t do well when I’m somewhere in the middle. I’m thinking that somewhere in the middle is way better than crying myself to sleep or whatever. I guess I’m just weird needing to feel an extreme. I’ll have to work on getting over that one. I’m that person who has started putting everything off until the last second. I have known that my car needed an inspection all month long, but I never felt like going to do it. So yesterday I finally felt that sense of urgency that was necessary for me to go and do it. Unfortunately I wasn’t the only one who waited until the last minute and I had to wait. I wrote about what a bad waiter I am yesterday and it didn’t get any better in that 24 hour period. And let’s face it. There’s only so much a person can do sitting in a chair in a garage covered in oil and grease and goodness only knows what else. I managed, though, without losing my temper or completely running out of waiting patience, and the car passed with flying colors. I knew it would or I like to say that I would have gotten it done sooner. So I went down to the security desk this morning where the guy asked me how I was doing. I took this as the chance to tell someone how I really feel today. I was sleepy, cold, would like to be asleep at that second, my back hurts, I’m sneezy and stuffy, I have too much to do, my socks are scrunched up in my shoes because they are too short, a cat chewed my shoelace so now I can’t tie my stupid shoe (but it’s just today…normally it’s no big deal), and the list goes on. I mean I was going to tell him the good stuff, too. I’m pretty happy for the most part, my car passed inspection, I’ve got money in the bank (not a lot, but some), Oprah is learning to behave better, I’ve figured out that it’s my cat who chews up my phone charger and that’s why it doesn’t charge, I’m excited about Halloween, I’m looking forward to the weekend, I feel love “right here” in my heart and I’m content with my air-quote friend, which is the best feeling ever, and more good stuff. More later…or not.

I could be the most impatient person I know. I’ve always known that I was bad at waiting, but I never thought I would break the rules in order to avoid waiting.

I really, really tried. I stood there for what seemed like forever after walking for what seemed like forever. I stood at the end of the line and watched other people get in front of me and I didn’t even say anything. I was so proud of myself. But after waiting for what seemed like an unreasonable mount of time. I gave up. Two nice guys propped me up on one side of the fence and two other nice guys caught me on the other side of the fence I finally decided to jump over. Karma does come to kick you in the butt sometimes because I did get a fence pokey spear thingy in the hand and was bleeding when I made it over. But I’m such a bad waiter…waiting like 25 minutes to go to the bathroom was awful. Then waiting like 40 minutes to get a stupid cup of water was a little over the top. But I sort of did it. I had a girl I know who was kind of at the front of the line get the cup of water for me, but I still waited forever. It was the best cup of water I’ve ever had since I had to go to so much effort to get it. Not really, but I’m going to tell myself that so that I feel better about it.

Between all the waiting, I did have a good time. I was that person who Al apparently hates who did not dress up. I did go to the big costume party with him and JC on Friday and I didn’t dress up there either. I didn’t realize that our not dressing up offended Al so bad, but come to find out today, it did. I mean seriously? Just because I didn’t go in my closet and get some tight pants and put a bra over my shirt and call myself Ghetto Girl doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be there. Maybe it means that I didn’t plan on going to this party until the last minute and, since I am 26 years old, I haven’t had that feeling of having to dress up for about 14 years now. Just because I didn’t go to Target and buy a bra to wear outside of my shirt doesn’t mean I don’t care. So shut it.

I’m sorry I’ve been such a loser blog poster this week. It’s just been so hectic here at the studio with all the guests coming in and stuff, but I love it. Sara Barielles was amazingly great. So was Natasha Bedingfield. I meant to write about her when she came in, but I forgot. She was so nice and happy and just made my morning. So thanks Natasha.

Things are really looking up these days. I had a rough week last week. I mean I didn’t really have a rough week, but a lot of people around me did. It’s kind of like I had a black cloud hanging over my head and other people were being smothered by its grossness. It’s been a much better week, though, so I can’t complain.

I always get into a weird kind of funk around the holidays and, in my mind, Halloween officially kicks off the holiday season. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the pressure of having to give when I don’t really want to. I’m glad to buy gifts and stuff when I want to, it’s more the spending time with people I don’t want to be around that bothers me the most. I guess on the upside holidays kind of force you to make amends because it’s easier to forgive and forget than be uncomfortable around the people you avoid the rest of the year. But then again there are few people who I cannot avoid that I can’t seem to make those amends with. I’d rather sit in the corner by myself during dinner while everyone else talks to them and boasts about their greatness than say the words “I forgive you.”

I think that being called a liar is one of the most offensive words a person can use to describe another. I’ve been accused of lying in regards to some pretty big life altering stuff and I’m still not over it. And the fact that others believed the person who called me a liar bothers me even more. I think that’s why I choose to withdraw and give into the funk of the season.

Anyway, I forgot to pay my stupid American Express bill. I have to do that today. I get most of my stuff mailed to my parent’s house and I manage to lose it or put it somewhere and forget that it’s there or I don’t know what else somewhere between their house and mine. It’s a problem I’ve tried so hard to fix but I keep on failing. I have to call and pay that today. Except that I forgot my wallet in my air-quote friend’s purse so now I have nothing. No ID, debit card, American Express. I’m such a moron sometimes. If I get hungry I have an Ozarka bottle where I throw in spare dollars and stuff. I can dig in there if times get hard enough. Or just drive to her work and get my stuff. But that makes too much sense. Oh crap. And I need to get my car inspected. I so have to write everything down to remember to do it. Why? Because I suck.

It’s late and I should go home. I’m so starving I want to throw up. Do you ever get that feeling? I had my Kashi cereal this morning, but that was 8 hours ago and I’ve gone none stop since then, so I haven’t had time to eat. What do I want though? Subway? Or should I go to the store and buy bread and junk? I don’t really feel like it. I think I am typing out the stuff that Mary gives me crap for sometimes. You know the Brady Bunch movie where Jan argues with herself all the time? That’s me when it comes to random decisions like “what do I want to eat.” I don’t enjoy food unless it’s beans while I’m PMSing.

I had a pretty OK weekend. No huge drama, which I will take any day of the week. At least I had no drama with anyone I knew. I did exchange words with a valet guy, though, but he totally deserved it.

So I drove downtown on Friday night and had to use the complimentary valet to park my car. Normally I would park myself, but there’s no parking down there. I’m not really big on people performing certain service tasks for me…parking my car is one of those. But I did valet and I tipped the guy. It wasn’t like I threw change at him or anything…I gave him cash. He took my keys, wrote my name on the tag, and smiled as he backed my car into the very first spot in the lot. No big deal. There were no cars behind me. He didn’t even have to search for a spot. Just put it in reverse and be done with it.

So that night I ended up riding home in a car other than mine. I left my keys with the valet and needed to go get them on Saturday night. I had gone to gay bingo with Kinsey and Lyndsey and we stopped at this particular establishment on the way back to their house. I had gone and picked up my car earlier in the day (thank GOD for Taylor) and just needed my keys. Kinsey and Keith had used the bingo dobbers at bingo to give me clown face, so I felt stupid asking for my keys. So Lyndsey was kind enough to get out of the car and go get the keys for me. I watched her as she stood and was talking to the valet guy for a minute…way longer than it should’ve taken to get my keys. So we pull up to the valet stand where the guy asks me flat out

“Do you want to give me money for parking your car?”

Me: “No because I tipped you last night when you parked the car and since I came and picked it up earlier and you didn’t have to move, I’m not tipping you again.”

Him: “yeah, but it was only like a dollar.”

Me: “No…I tipped you more than that. Do you want me to go to the ATM and get you more money?”

Him: “No, but have you ever worked in the service industry?”

WHAT? For real? I tipped him for doing his job. So for him to have the nerve to ASK me for money was beyond me. Kinsey said that she had cash and would be glad to give him some, but I wasn’t having that. Instead I told her to drive off and told him to more less go screw himself.

I know it was rude to say that and that I reacted to his bad day. But seriously? No, I have ever worked in the service industry. I have been in radio since I was 17. So I have never depended on tips for my salary. But I do think that I am a decent tipper because I understand that tips are a pretty big deal in some industries. But for him to flat out ask me if I was going to pay him for handing me my keys? No! Even if I’d have only tipped him a quarter, I wouldn’t have given him any more money on sheer principle. Does that make me a b?

If this week has been good for nothing else, it’s put a lot of things into perspective for me. Maybe I had a bad weekend. Maybe I’m still feeling the effects from the weekend. But you know what? I’ve got a pretty OK life when you take a look at the big picture.

Tuesday was a great day for the most part, but then I got a phone call from Haley, Jessa, and Amelie for my weekly update on their lives. Normally it’s a happy call with jokes and grade updates and stuff like that…but I ended up crying in the bathroom during this one.

I don’t get close to a lot of people and I’m typically pretty good at the out of sight out of mind theory. So the fact that Haley and her family rank so highly in my brain despite the fact that they live in Mississippi is kind of surprising. But I love these kids and I can’t imagine going a week without hearing from them. This week I had a hard time understanding what Haley was saying to me. Luckily her mom sits and listens to our conversation and repeats anything that I missed the first time around. On Tuesday Haley told me that she was going to have to do another surgery. She is 9 years old and has had a hard life and it’s not getting any easier. When they were moving from New Orleans to Mississippi, they got into a car wreck that made them flip and destroyed Haley’s wheelchair. So she has been without a proper chair for a couple or three months now. With that, her back has curved at a 90 degree angle. So she has to have surgery because her internal organs are being squished in ways they’re not supposed to be. So she’s got to have another surgery. She’s not going to the bathroom the way she is supposed to which could be an indicator of a problem. This breaks my heart. When her mom was telling me about everything that’s been going on, I lost it. I wasn’t at home at the time. I wasn’t even on my phone. All I could do was lock myself in the bathroom and cry. It’s so nice walking around someone else’s house with swollen, puffy eyes and a runny nose. I felt like such a baby and it only got worse yesterday.

I got a text from one of my closest friends telling me that she had lost her Godson. The baby was due on October 30^th and the mother lost the baby on Sunday. My best friend from when I was younger lost a baby when she was 6 months along last November and she’s still not quite over it. So I cannot even imagine almost going full term and then losing the child. To go from getting the nursery ready and planning the rest of your life with your first born child to planning his cremation. Oh my gosh. I cannot even imagine. What can I say to make it better? How could I empathize? The likelihood of my ever having a child is not very good and occasionally that makes me pretty upset. So having the buildup of giving birth to your first child turn into mourning the loss of that child is probably the most devastating feeling ever. I truly cannot even imagine. It’s hard just hearing about it…I can’t fathom the way they feel.

So I take a step back. I cry a lot doing it, but it’s just because I can empathize with others so well. I’m doing better with the eating, if anyone cares. I’ve pretty much had a headache since last Friday, but I can’t complain about that too much. Can I just say how much I do not like Nickelback? Ugh. And I don’t like seafood, either. But I do like my brown Velcro Vans. I’m wearing them today. And I do love my friend who listened to me cry the past two days. It means a ton to me. Anyway, this is long enough now so that’s really all I got.

I’ve got so much to tell, but it’s a sensitive subject, so I really have to think before I type.

There’s nothing I can do about it now. I’ll either be forgiven and move on and make sure that nothing like that ever happens again or I won’t. It’s killing me. I’ve got so much to lose with this whole situation. It’s horrible. I have to stop writing about this now because it’s making me tear up AGAIN and I can’t do that at work. So I’ll stop now.