Shanon’s Blog

I will say that this was probably one of the best weekends I’ve had in a pretty long time. It was not drama filled. It was just fun. The first ever Shanon and Keith Guitar Hero Tournament happened on Friday and I would call it successful. Except that I ended up winning the tournament where the prize was a picture of me. So the losers ended up getting the prize and I don’t really know that they comprehend the full value of their consolation prize. Or maybe they do. I don’t know. We rode the four wheeler and made signs for the Kelly Clarkson concert that night…we ate chips and dips and other fun food items. Not a lot of cheese, though, because after all…I AM lactose intolerant.

Thanksgiving was good. I went to my mom and dads house and ate with her, grandpa, and Keith.It was the first time my mom had ever cooked a Thanksgiving dinner and she did a fantastic job. It was pretty great. She made enough that I got to take home left overs, but then Keith ate them.

We went out that night and had a drama free, sober night with friends.  Friday night was the Kelly Clarkson concert. I was SO excited. We made signs for her. One had my cell number on it to see if she might call me, but so far she hasn’t. She also has my business card which also has my cell phone number on it, but I’m guessing she’s doing the three day waiting thing which means I should be hearing from her after midnight or so tonight. I’ll let you know what we talk about. In the mean time, you can check out www.myspace.com/shanonmurphy to see the pictures of us in the big GH tournament and pre-Kelly concert. I’m an idiot for showing my cell number to 6,000 people on the off chance that she would see it, remember it, and actually call, but you only live once, right?

 I’ll let you know how that turns out.

I woke up with the worst headache on Saturday morning, so I didn’t get out of bed until after 2PM. It was horrible. It was the same headache I got when I had my strep throat. I really, really hope that it is just the change in the weather…we will see on that, too. Then yesterday Keith and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings to hang out with Jen O, Michelle, Monica and crew. We watched football then went back to their apartment for more GH. Then it was off to my moms house for dinner. That was nice. But I was tired and had an itchy throat and was not good company, so we headed home at about 8:30 to get ready for bed. I was still awake at 1:30AM, but I’m not going to complain about the reason behind that. Good conversation is never a bad thing, so it was well worth losing sleep over.

Wow! We are back from Disney World and I am so incredibly tired. Can anything make a person feel more loved and more tired than having kiddos jump on the for 5 days solid? I wouldn’t change a second of the time I spent with the families on the trip. I really bonded with more families this year, which was cool. There’s usually one kid who latches onto you and you really get to know during the trip, but this year there were more like 12 of them. The triplets, Stephen, Aaron, Michael, Toby, Caitlin, Ashley, Kenneth, Roxanne and Junior. They were all such great kids. I am pretty proud of myself because I only cried once during the trip. Yesterday when exhaustion sank in and I had to say goodbye to the triplets, I lost it. I’m such a huge baby. But it’s hard when you spend so much time in just a few days and then you have to say goodbye. It was a good trip, though, and I’m glad I got the chance to know them.

It’s a baseball hat day for sure. I took a shower last night and even shaved, but I just didn’t have holding a hair dryer up long enough to dry my hair in me. So I just went to sleep with a wet head. It’s a mess, but I promise I’m clean. It was nice being in my garden tub with my own shower curtain…not having to worry about touching it because it is saturated in germs.

I remembered yesterday while we were on the plane ride home that Kelly Clarkson is in town this weekend and I need to go. I can’t believe that I nearly flat out forgot that my favorite, my number one, MY American Idol is coming to town. I will stand in line if I have to, but I don’t want to. I’m pretty sure that Kelly reads my blog everyday. If you do, Kelly, I will be there on Friday. Look for me. I’m the brown headed, brown (or hazel) eyed one who will be screaming for you at the top of her lungs. That’s me. Man, I love her.

Otherwise I got nothing. My dog really missed me. My cat didn’t. Keith and I went for a quick dinner last night. I could write about the brilliance of the Muchaco, but I won’t. I love them. I’m sure I was horrible company for him, but he sat with me and kept a smile on his face. I love him. He told me stories of all the friends he saw while I was gone and those they have hooked up with…gotta love THAT…and all kinds of happy stories about life without me. That seems like it might be the way to go these days. But life with me will only be miserable until the holidays are over…then it’s happy, peppy me again. Is that an oxymoron? Happy…peppy…ME? I think it is.

Can I just ask one question. What’s up with girls who look like boys? And why is this issue on my brain right now? I’m by no means the girliest girl out there. In fact, some might say that I’m not girly at all. But I don’t think that anyone has ever had to do a double take to see if I’m a boy or a girl. I realize that there are all kinds of people in this world…I think I saw just about all of them at Disney World over the weekend…but this has been on my mind for a while now. I guess there is someone for everyone…this just isn’t for me. And does it say something about me when a person goes from dating me to dating a girl who looks like a boy? Do you judge yourself based on those who came before you and those who follow? I truly hope not because I’m screwed otherwise.

Wow this stupid strep throat is really bringing me down. Now I have the white puss thingies on my throat and it’s swollen and gross and I am still a whiny baby and miserable. I think I had a fever this morning because I broke into enough of a sweat to make my shirt wet enough that I needed to change. Keith only had to deal with my whiny butt for a few minutes yesterday because I had some work stuff to do and then I went and stayed at my friend’s house.

I’ve got a pretty big day today. I need to call my doctor and make sure I don’t need another shot. I hope not because my butt still hurts where I got the shot the other day. I surely need a nap because I need to sleep this junk off. I also need to go to Wal Mart and buy new shampoo and conditioner because I left my travel stuff at my exes. I also forgot face wash and toothpaste there. Crap. I need gum because you can’t buy it at Disney World. I also need to do laundry and change my cats litter box and all kind of other junk. The bad thing is that I don’t feel like doing anything but sleeping. Oh well. Everyone gets sick and I’m about to see a lot of kids who have real reason to complain. So I will shut up about it now, I guess.

I also have to start packing for my move. I rented the U-Haul and trailer to pull my car, but I’ve yet to start packing. I feel kind of bad because Keith moved in with me not that long ago and now he’s on the search for a new roommate because I’m moving. He moved in with me after my break up and now I’m abandoning him. I feel SO bad. But I can’t turn down the opportunity of a lifetime when I’ve got nowhere else to go with the show. I’m a little bitter about all of this, but I’m trying to suck it up and leave with a smile on my face. But lets face it. I have no girlfriend; I’m surrounded by nothing but drama here, and y parents are OK with the move. So why not? So make sure you vote on the poll for your chance to win a trip to Las Vegas. Maybe I’ll see you there while I travel during my non-compete period.

Wow I feel so bad these days. I was achy all over when I woke up on Sunday morning, but I didn’t think too much of it. Then yesterday I woke up and could barely move. I could not get warm. My throat hurt so bad I could barely swallow. So I made a doctors appointment for 4:30 yesterday afternoon. Turns out I have strep throat. Poor Keith got stuck taking care of me since I’m single and really don’t have a lot of people who can drop everything to come take care of me.

Keith is a god send. Last night when I just wanted to curl up and cry, he went to Walgreens to get my medicine. The doctor gave me a lidocaine mouth gargle solution and pain medicine for the body aches. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up drenched in sweat because my fever finally broke. I never run a fever…my temperature is usually below normal. SO when it shot up to 101* yesterday, I knew I was in bad shape. So I drove myself to the doctor and was told that I have strep throat.

Bad timing for any kind of illness. We go to Disney World on Thursday, so I have to make sure that I get better before then. I’m not contagious anymore, but it still worries me. Even though I can’t pass it to anyone who I don’t make out with or drink after, I’m still not feeling well. And on the trip there are kids climbing on you and we pick them up and help them onto the rides and it just wears you out. I’ve got to get better so I can keep up.

Anyway, that’s what’s going on with me. The weekend was fun until I woke up feeling bad on Sunday. On Friday my friend had her birthday party at Dave and Busters. Can I tell you about the DDR fanatics that were there? We had to wait forever because these people would not stop playing. In fact they sat right by the game and hogged it. Ooh I don’t like the DDR hogs. But then they backed off for us to play a game.

I have to go to the bathroom. I’m trying to drink a lot of water, but it goes right through me. It really hurts to swallow, so this is not fun.

I’ll make this blog pretty short and simple. I’m the one who’s leaving the show. Don’t believe anyone elses stories…they are all lies. I can’t say why I’ve resigned yet, but I turned in my notice about a month ago and my last day with the show is in less than two weeks.

So is it just assumed that because someone is newly alone that all they want is to hook up? I said on the air yesterday that I am single again and the hook up offers just seem to appear out of nowhere. I’ve never given anyone any reason to think that I would ever just hook up with someone for the sake of hooking up. I’ve never done it. Probably never will. And while it is good to know that people are willing to provide that for me, I don’t really want it. So please don’t take it personal when I don’t send a personal rejection email back to you. Understand that I just don’t know what to say, so I’d rather say nothing at all. I’m not trying to come across as “Oh my gosh….everyone wants me” because I know that’s not the case. Believe me. I’m not so arrogant as to believe that for a second. So please don’t read into this paragraph as my saying that. I don’t want a one night thing. I want my relationship to be worked out, but it appears as though we’re not talking right now, so that’s not likely.

Poor Keith. I’ve been so hormonal, lonely, emotional, and I don’t know what else this week. But he’s the one who has had to deal with me. Last night we drove 20 miles from my apartment to go get a hamburger at Hunky’s because I always crave greasy and fried when I get like this. We ate and walked across the street to JR’s to see what was going on. I saw my friend Terry and was standing there talking to her when I got this shooting pain through my head. It was horrible. A migraine headache hit me like a ton of bricks and there was nothing I could do about it. We walked around for as little bit to give the nausea time to wear off, but it didn’t work well. We had to pull over so I could throw up. And of course we picked the one exit where there was no entrance ramp back onto the freeway and then we got lost and the ride long took a lot longer than it usually does. It was horrible.

I got the coolest new watch last night and it was under $100. Let’s face it. I need a watch, so I don’t feel too bad for spending the money. I don’t know what kind of watch it is, but it cane in a cool box with a cool pillow. It’s a boy’s watch with a black band and a yellow face and I love it. I’m allergic to everything pretty much. Like I can only use the purple bottle of Tide because everything else makes me itch. I can’t wear leather sandals. I can’t wear anything but steel or plastic watches. This one works and I love the way it looks. So I’m pretty excited about it.

I went and test drove Jeeps the other day and I want one bad. I drove an ’08 detonator yellow Wrangler Unlimited. I looked fabulous. But my car is not worth enough, so I’m gonna wait a little while longer before I get one. But I was hot in it and it’s my life’s dream to own a Jeep…maybe just not yet. Why was I dumb enough to actually go and drive one? So Stupid.

I was in bed at 8:30 last night. I figured I’m sleepy, my roommate’s not even returning my texts, so why not? I made sure the TIVO was set to record Nip/Tuck or the Real  Housewives of Orange County and headed to sleep. I’ve started letting Oprah sleep with me at night to help keep me warm, but she’s not very good at it. If she can’t lay on top of me, she wants no part of me. So I have to weigh the options. Wake up with a bloody nose because I turned on the heater or suck it up, wrap myself up as much as I can in my covers, and try and fall asleep during that short period of time when I’m warm.

I did take my sister and her boyfriend to dinner last night because she stopped by my apartment on her way home from school and I hadn’t eaten since my cereal at four that morning, so we went to On The Border. I can never hold that food down, so I don’t know why I bother. Sure enough I got sicker than a really sick person as soon as my sister left my apartment. It’s a mixture of my eating issues and nerves and other stuff. I tried really hard not to let it happen, but it did. I get this way whenever I feel like things are out of control for me and I surely feel that way right now. I guess dealing with a break up that I’m apparently too dumb to understand will make a person feel that way.

I got a lot done yesterday. Outside of watching Hannah Mantanna videos and editing Love Letters to Kellie, I opened up a very small second bank account. After JC’s debit card got stolen and that person drained his account, I freaked out some. I’d rather use a debit card with very little money in the account than put all my eggs in one basket. This account has an embarrassingly small balance in it, but that’s how I want it. I also went grocery shopping for the basics…cereal, soy milk, pop tarts, and salad.

I don’t know why I went shopping because I get hungry like once a day and my refrigerator freezes my salad and when I do want a snack it’s a piece of cheese…so why bother blowing $32 at Tom Thumb? I dunno. It was something to do on the first Tuesday I’ve spent alone in a little while.

I so want to go shopping for a 4 door Jeep, but I know that if I do I will fall into a deeper funk because I have no business buying one, I can’t afford one, I can’t afford the gas, but it would make me so happy. It’s the end of the year, my car is worth more than I owe…it makes sense to suck it up and do it. But gas is getting expensive again and I don’t want to end up pushing that bad boy down the street. So I should just do what I did yesterday and go home, lock myself in my room, and not come out until I have a reason to. Maybe I’ll be able to take a nap today. I’m just scattered and rambling, so I will shut up now.

At this time yesterday my hair was a very basic brunette with blonde highlights. Now it is 4 different colors. There’s the natural brunette, a little tad bit of blonde highlights, lowlights, and red streaks. Its way darker than I expected it to come out…especially since I thought I was going in for the same highlights since it covers up my gray better. I think I’m still a little in shock and Kelli said that it will fade quite a bit over the next week and a half or so. She likes it, her husband likes it, Keith likes it…I’m hoping everyone else does, too. The way she did it is very pretty…I just feel like it’s kind of wasted on my head.

I’m pretty excited about today because the new Alicia Keys CD comes out next week. I love that song “No One.” And in my current state of funk I’m listening to Kelly Clarkson’s “Maybe” over and over and over. I know that some people aren’t Kelly fans and I know that some people especially don’t like the new CD, but this song just hits me. I know that I can be difficult. That’s with everyone in life, not just whoever I’m dating at the time. Sometimes I feel genuinely bad for the people around me because I can be that hard to put up with.

But that’s just sometimes. What about all the other times when I’m not a royal pain in the butt? Don’t those times make it worth it? I really don’t know how to answer that question. I’m probably better off not knowing the answer to that question because it would either upset me or give me a big head. Man I’m a mess.

Haley and Jessa called me last night while I was getting my hair done and asked if I could maybe come visit them this summer. Hopefully I will be able to do that.

I’ve got a whole lotta nothing I can write about. I’m so consumed by my personal junk that’s too specific to write about on here to have much else. I’m trying to learn to back off and give it time, but it’s hard. I’m that person who would rather talk something to death and try and fix it than just back away and see what happens. I can be very out of sight out of mind and I’m worried that I’m so easily forgettable that time will allow people to forget about me and just move on like I never even existed. I know I have to learn to get over that, but it’s hard for me. I should just suck it up and go back to stupid therapy. I don’t want to, I don’t want to take the time or the money to go, but maybe I need to. Especially now that the holidays are up on us and I always struggle at this time of year anyways.

In a funk…again

November 5, 2007 at 10:57 am | In Uncategorized | No Comments | Edit this post

Today is one of those days where I will warn you not

to ask me how Im doing unless you want a completely

honest answer. That answer would be that I am not well.

And then I might cry and you don’t want that because

once I start crying I can’t seem to stop. 

I’ve been debating how honest to be in this blog. 

I’ll probably look like a complete idiot by the time 

you’re done reading this because things could be a lot, 

lot worse. But for now I feel like a teenager whose world

 is slowly imploding and I don’t know how to stop it. 

For those of you who know me personally, I’ll just say that “it hurts right here” as

 I point with two fingers to my chest. 

 I won’t get into the specifics of it all because I

know that the main person involved doesn’t want people

to know who they are. And I will do my best to respect

that. I’ll figure out some way to explain what’s going

on and why I’m a cry baby wreck at the moment, but for

now my brain isn’t working well enough to even

try. So I won’t. 

 I will say that I spent some time with my mom and dad

this weekend and it was nice to catch up. It was

supposed to be a “meet my significant other” BBQ with

my uncle from Arkansas, but it didn’t turn out that

way. First my uncle never came to town. I don’t know

why, but I know he didn’t come. Then my significant

other who is apparently not my significant other

didn’t come either. So it was mom, dad, Keith, me, my

sister Samantha, her boyfriend Orlando, JC, and

Kinsey. We just sat around the table on the deck and

talked and ate fajitas and looked at pictures and

danced. Keith drank himself into an oblivion and for

the first time ever I saw my dad do a shot of tequila.

I’m continuing my attempt to be responsible and stuck

to water. We went out after we left mom and dads and I

was still responsible. Keith had to go sleep in my car

because he passed out in the chair while we were

watching a band and the manager there already isn’t

too horribly fond of me, so I helped him stumble to

the car and let him sleep it off. He slept for a

while, threw up a lot…I just got home from the car

wash washing it off of my tire. I’m just glad he made

it outside of the car because I don’t have the stomach

for that amount of Keith vomit. I love that guy so

much, though, I would have found a way to do it. 

Why does this weekend have to be the one where we have

an extra hour? Why do I feel every second of that

hour? I slept a ton this weekend. 16 hours on Friday

night and 10 hours last night, followed b a 2.5 hour

nap today at my mom and dads house. And I am so ready

for bed right now. But I always clean when I feel lost

so I have to finish that. That’s when our apartment

gets the cleanest, so an occasional funk is probably

welcomed by my roommate. 

Kidd’s Kids is a little more than a week away, which

means that it’s officially the holiday season. Ugh. I

hate the holidays. I’m not going to think about that

right now. This has already been such the negative

blog…I don’t want to make it worse. 

I’m sorry I can write about how I’m not good and then

not bother to explain why. The fact is that I’m at a

loss and wouldn’t know what to say even if I tried.

I’ll try and make sense of it all and sort through my

feelings and write about it later this week. In the

meantime I’ll pray that I can figure out some way to

make things all work out because I feel awful. 

Again, I’m sorry I’m just down. I don’t know what else

to say other than offer my apologies.

Can anything make you want to give birth to a kid more than seeing a three week old handsome little guy in a stroller and chili pepper costume? Oh my goodness…there might not be anything cuter on this planet except for the Ninja Turtle who asks for bubble gum at every house or Tinkerbelle with muddy slippers and an up do with a tiara. I just want to throw up they are so cute. I went trick or treating with the Ninja Turtle and Tinkerbelle in their new neighborhood last night and loved it so much. I think I probably looked pretty stupid for giggling at everything like a giddy teenager, but I was giddy. It makes me happy to see other people smiling, and these kids couldn’t wipe the smiles off their faces.

So yesterday I was bragging about my dancing skills and I proved my skills yesterday at the Southwest Airlines costume contest. JC and I were dancing fools in the lawyer’s conference room. I even taught brandy the Cupid Shuffle. JC did Walk It Out, but I don’t think he did it right because he didn’t wiggle his knees enough. Then we did the Soulja Boy dance together. Our dancing was so impressive; Kidd wanted us to lead the Cupid Shuffle at the party with all the employees. I was the one who got on stage to teach them my moves. We probably Cupids Shuffled for 10 minutes before my legs were ready to give out. I didn’t realize how hard it is to be a dancing fool. But it was fun and I’m not going to complain. All in all yesterday was a great day.

I am in text message hell right now. I wanted pictures of the Ninja Turtle and Tinkerbell on my Blackberry, but for some reason my phone service isn’t working for crap and my messages are on mega delay from other carriers. And apparently everyone has another carrier, which makes my life way difficult since texting is the best way to get in touch with me. I guess I need to call the customer service line today because I’ve given the problem a couple days to be fixed, but it’s not. And that doesn’t make me happy. I have to know how certain peoples days are going; otherwise my day doesn’t go well. Is that pathetic? I don’t really care if it is. I do what makes me happy and texting does that. So booya.

Ashley Tisdale is here today and Shiny Toy Guns are here tomorrow. I love Shiny Toy Guns. If you’ve never listened to Shiny Toy Guns, download Le Disquo. The edited version. And You Are the One. It’s so great. I saw them earlier this year with The Rapture. It was such the great show. Check them out, for sure.