Shanon’s Blog

In a funk…again

November 5, 2007 at 10:57 am | In Uncategorized | No Comments | Edit this post

Today is one of those days where I will warn you not

to ask me how Im doing unless you want a completely

honest answer. That answer would be that I am not well.

And then I might cry and you don’t want that because

once I start crying I can’t seem to stop. 

I’ve been debating how honest to be in this blog. 

I’ll probably look like a complete idiot by the time 

you’re done reading this because things could be a lot, 

lot worse. But for now I feel like a teenager whose world

 is slowly imploding and I don’t know how to stop it. 

For those of you who know me personally, I’ll just say that “it hurts right here” as

 I point with two fingers to my chest. 

 I won’t get into the specifics of it all because I

know that the main person involved doesn’t want people

to know who they are. And I will do my best to respect

that. I’ll figure out some way to explain what’s going

on and why I’m a cry baby wreck at the moment, but for

now my brain isn’t working well enough to even

try. So I won’t. 

 I will say that I spent some time with my mom and dad

this weekend and it was nice to catch up. It was

supposed to be a “meet my significant other” BBQ with

my uncle from Arkansas, but it didn’t turn out that

way. First my uncle never came to town. I don’t know

why, but I know he didn’t come. Then my significant

other who is apparently not my significant other

didn’t come either. So it was mom, dad, Keith, me, my

sister Samantha, her boyfriend Orlando, JC, and

Kinsey. We just sat around the table on the deck and

talked and ate fajitas and looked at pictures and

danced. Keith drank himself into an oblivion and for

the first time ever I saw my dad do a shot of tequila.

I’m continuing my attempt to be responsible and stuck

to water. We went out after we left mom and dads and I

was still responsible. Keith had to go sleep in my car

because he passed out in the chair while we were

watching a band and the manager there already isn’t

too horribly fond of me, so I helped him stumble to

the car and let him sleep it off. He slept for a

while, threw up a lot…I just got home from the car

wash washing it off of my tire. I’m just glad he made

it outside of the car because I don’t have the stomach

for that amount of Keith vomit. I love that guy so

much, though, I would have found a way to do it. 

Why does this weekend have to be the one where we have

an extra hour? Why do I feel every second of that

hour? I slept a ton this weekend. 16 hours on Friday

night and 10 hours last night, followed b a 2.5 hour

nap today at my mom and dads house. And I am so ready

for bed right now. But I always clean when I feel lost

so I have to finish that. That’s when our apartment

gets the cleanest, so an occasional funk is probably

welcomed by my roommate. 

Kidd’s Kids is a little more than a week away, which

means that it’s officially the holiday season. Ugh. I

hate the holidays. I’m not going to think about that

right now. This has already been such the negative

blog…I don’t want to make it worse. 

I’m sorry I can write about how I’m not good and then

not bother to explain why. The fact is that I’m at a

loss and wouldn’t know what to say even if I tried.

I’ll try and make sense of it all and sort through my

feelings and write about it later this week. In the

meantime I’ll pray that I can figure out some way to

make things all work out because I feel awful. 

Again, I’m sorry I’m just down. I don’t know what else

to say other than offer my apologies.