My List
February 13, 2008 at 3:44 pm | In Uncategorized | 25 CommentsI so thought today was going to be a good day when I walked into the studio with a box of free t-shirts on my chair, but then things went horribly wrong. First there was an engineering problem. No biggie. I don’t know how to fix it, so there’s not much I can do. But then the printer wouldn’t work; totally a problem I can fix. I thought. The thing said “remove empty cartridge” so I tried to take it out and shake it so that the thing might register some ink. When I did this, black powder poured out and went everywhere. All over me, the printer, the carpet…everywhere. It was horrible. So, there I am. Scrubbing the outside of the printer because it was everywhere. Scrubbing the inside because it was covered. Changing my clothes because they are covered. Holding back tears because I am a mess right now and black toner all over the place didn’t make it any better.
Why am I a mess? One thing is because I had that big plan to announce the softball game I went to yesterday in a British accent, but it didn’t happen. I did pretty good at first. I read the script. But then it came time to announce each batter as she stepped up to the plate. I don’t know why, but when one of the girls stepped up to the plate, I started laughing. I don’t know why. Nothing funny happened. She had a normal name, I think. I just got slap happy tired and tickled and laughed. It wasn’t like I was rolling on the ground laughing or like I started laughing and did it for 10 minutes…it was a quick ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Maybe that many chuckles. Not over the top. So I pretty much shut down after that and had no real desire to do the British accent. So that was ruined.
Then there’s the huge disaster of what happened over the weekend that I don’t know what to do about. I feel like an idiot because I don’t know what to think about something that happened. How much impact can alcohol have on decision making? If someone gets so drunk that they can barely walk, do you excuse them for being all over and making out with someone other than you? I’ve been that drunk girl who did stupid stuff many a times, so that makes it harder for me to decide. The difference is that I was single when I did the dumb things. To make it even worse, do you forgive the person when you’re less than a month into dating? When it’s supposed to be new and exciting and all you want to do is put them in your pocket? What happens when you get used to eachother and it’s ok to be apart…then what’s going to happen? I don’t know. I feel stupid because this happened when I was 20 feet away and my friends SAW it. Yet I had no idea until Monday night. I appreciate their being sensitive to not upsetting me, but I’m that person who had this thing happen and I was completely oblivious. That feels bad and I don’t think that it’s ok to feel bad less than a month in. Maybe I’m just letting mad get the best of me. I don’t know.
Maybe I need to read the new books I bought over the weekend. The Four Agreements and The Mastery of Love. I’ve wanted to read the Four Agreements since Kidd gave it to me the Christmas of 2006, but never did. I lost it since then. Or my dog ate it. But I bought it again and started reading it. I’ll let you know how that goes.
You know what songs remind me of what I want in my love life? Let me make a list. I don’t know why, but maybe if you wanna make a mixed tape for the one you love and can use some of these.
Jordin Sparks- (duh)- No Air. She also has one called “Just For the Record” that I love and one called “Next To You”
Chris Brown- With You
Blue October- Calling You
Lifehouse- First Time and Whatever It Takes
Faith Hill- Just to Hear You Say That You Love Me and Breathe
Peter Gabriel or Jeffrey Gaines- In Your Eyes
Anything Celine Dion- especially The Power of Love and At Last
Jessica Simpson- I Wanna Love You Forever, Sweetest Sin, With You, I Think I’m In Love With You
Mario- Let Me Love You
Toni Braxton- You Mean The World To Me
Alicia Keys- No One
Anyhting Colby Caillat- especially Realize
J. Holiday- Bed
Baby Bash- (I Think)- Hypnotize
Beyonce- Dangerously In Love
That’s all I can think of for now. I’m not really in a loving mood, so I’m sure this doesn’t help. Feel free to send me any advice or song suggestions.
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Hey Shannon! Don’t bummed! New relationships are stressful! Maybe this is a “wake up call”, I completely agree when you say if this is happening now, what will happen when you get “comfortable”. Talk about it! Just remember you deserve the best!
Comment by Kristen — February 13, 2008 #
not sure if you are a country music fan at all….but a great song is “Two Hearts” Zona Jones!
Comment by tiffany — February 13, 2008 #
I don’t think it is ok for someone to make out with someone like that. Not a month in, not a week in, not a year in. You are worth more than that. You need to read the book “He is just not that into you” it sounds like a horrible suggestion but that book changed my life. The author’s main advice is “don’t waste the pretty” you are beautiful-don’t waste it on someone who doesn’t appreciate it.
Comment by emily — February 13, 2008 #
Shannon,
Just keep your chin up! We all have bad days, and it seems like you’ve had more than your share! We all do stupid stuff that we regret when we are drunk, and with this being a new thing, you might want to think long and hard about how far you want to go with this person! Can you continue to trust that person? That is the question I would ask myself. Good luck! There is someone out there for you!
Comment by Jennifer — February 13, 2008 #
i wont date a gal unless she can guarantee that she will produce a firstborn son…i am too virile to have a daughter on the first go around.
Comment by craig — February 13, 2008 #
Being “too drunk” is never an excuse for “cheating” ESPECIALLY a month into it! Get out now – this is a sign of how it will be. You deserve better – you do not have to settle.
Comment by Dana — February 13, 2008 #
I guess you have two ways to look at it, but both are kinda bad. She might have been blackout drunk and doesn’t remember she was making a butt of herself and doing that, or maybe she did know she was doing it, which still isn’t acceptable. I know the relationship is new, and maybe she doesn’t know that you feel it’s exclusive? Just some things to think about, however, I don’t feel it was proper for her to do that. I can only imagine if it were myself and if she’d do that while you were there, what will she do while you’re out of town on a radio trip or something? Hope you figure it out
Comment by Jacklyn — February 13, 2008 #
Girl, leopards dont change their spots…If it happened it happened….I WILL happen again.
The truth comes out when your drunk…End it now…
Comment by Lisa — February 13, 2008 #
Like you said, what happens down the road when you aren’t around? Having doubt and mistrust this early on is not a good start. You are right to be upset, it’s not right at all, even if this was your first date. It’s disrespectful in any sense. You do deserve better.
Comment by Dee — February 13, 2008 #
I agree with Emily. Set your standards HIGH and don’t settle for less. Standards as far as how you want and deserve to be treated and that’s with RESPECT!! It’s as simple as that, really. And maybe not rush into a relationship until you get to know the person and become friends. I know, easier said than done but sometimes can prevent a lot of heartache. I have a feeling you will meet a very nice person who is out tomorrow night alone for Valentines and looking for someone nice like you to be friends with. Hang in there!
Comment by Molly — February 13, 2008 #
The fact that it is only one month into dating should definitely tell you this probably isn’t going to work. If you do continue dating, there will continually be trust issues for you – which will probably keep you in complete misery throughout your time with this person. I say find someone else and agree with the fact that you deserve MUCH better.
Comment by Tamie — February 13, 2008 #
You two weren’t exclusive so I don’t think you should be upset. Also, alcohol impairs judgement, which even you admitted. Don’t throw away that great girl (I know her and she is so awesome) because of one alcohol induced incident when you weren’t exclusive and you don’t know the entire facts surrounding that incident and you didn’t see it happen (and the people who told you were biased friends)
Comment by Michaela — February 13, 2008 #
That was totally wrong. You do not deserve to be treated like that. You are such a great and beautful person.
Comment by Grace — February 13, 2008 #
I love Lifehouse – Whatever It Takes!
Comment by Kat — February 13, 2008 #
Unfortunately Shanon I think if she is cheating (and mark my words, it is cheating) now – in the early stages of your relationship, she will cheat later on. Problem is – even IF (and that’s a big if) she doesn’t cheat anymore after this incident, you will always wonder which will cause a rift in your relationship anyway. I’d bag it because I don’t much care for being hurt.
Comment by Lori — February 13, 2008 #
To the person that left a message that she know her and she is awesome and it was not exclusive yet, the feelings and the trust in the beginning are the strongest so alcohol or not, she should not have strayed if she was not willing to hurt someone’s feelings.
Shanon, once a CHEATER always a CHEATER. It is her loss.
Comment by rob — February 13, 2008 #
My boyfriend made out with one of his friends on New Year’s Eve when I was one room over. We’ve been dating over 3 years and although he was extremely intoxicated at the time, it’s not excusable. He told me about it before I heard it from anyone else though it was still a really hard pill to swallow.
You need to decide how much you care about this person and if you think you can ever trust this person again. You can’t let this consume you either. I spent 3 weeks crying and hurting over a mistake that wasn’t mine. I finally realized that my guy had the guts to tell me about it and apologize face to face. He’s still on probation but I love him too much to end the whole thing because of a one-minute lapse of judgment. Now, if it happens again…
Comment by Anon — February 13, 2008 #
Just a month in and that happening….. move on before more feeling and emotions are invovled. Exclusive or not she was out with you, so you were together that night. Trust is important in any relationship and if its not there its not worth it. Do what is best for you.
Comment by Jessica — February 13, 2008 #
Shrimpy,
Give it a shot…some of the hardest fights we have give us the best lives.
Ok.
If all else fails, take over the world.
Comment by Rev Chew Toy — February 13, 2008 #
Shannon…lonely???…want to feel needed…loved…appreciated???…volunteer at an old folks home…spend time at a childrens hospital…become a big sister to a child in need of a good role model…take time and walk the dogs at a shelter…then…you will feel the void slip away…and at that point…mr. right shall appear.
Comment by craig — February 13, 2008 #
Rarely agree with Craig, but this time I do believe he might be right.
Comment by Leah — February 14, 2008 #
As you can see, asking a question with such emotion has many responses, with each one going to be defined by their own experience. Truth is it doesn’t matter the advice you will get from anyone else because the only one that matters is what yours is. Is it ok to drink to the degree you can’t control yourself? No, but some can be attributed to immaturity, the occasion or downright oops. I guess that’s just where you need to know the individual themselves to find the answer to that. Is it disrespectful to the one your with that your hanging all over someone else? Yes, but you are the only one that can decide if it’s forgivable. Then you have to answer your next question. Does it really matter that it’s only been a month? It does, because we don’t know how you defined your relationship with that person so we can’t really input on that.
Even if you answered the questions with a wide latitude of understanding, it still comes down to a person not respecting someone she is (I am assuming) on a date with. That is something you have to decide is the forgivable offense.
As for myself, I have to admit I couldn’t forgive that indiscretion. I expect no less from anyone that I ask of myself.
Aside from the other songs on your list that I also enjoy here are a few more:
Firehouse – Love of a Lifetime
Dixie Chicks – Cowboy Take Me away
Alison Krause – Whenever I Fall
Teddy Geiger – For You I Will
Comment by NorthrnLights — February 14, 2008 #
You deserve so much more than someone who will get drunk and make out just feet from you. I really think for some reason that you have it in your head that you deserve to be treated like that. and girl you DO NOT. You are so awesome with so much to offer. Do not settle and do not waste your time with someone who obviously has no respect for you. Anyone would be so lucky to have you. And that right someone is out there, I promise!!
Comment by Kim — February 14, 2008 #
Ah Leah
Comment by craig — February 14, 2008 #
Shanon you deserve much better than that. Keep your chin up you will find the girl of your dreams.
Comment by Nicole — February 14, 2008 #