Single again
February 14, 2008 at 2:09 pm | In Uncategorized | 31 CommentsThanks for all of the comments you guys left yesterday about my situation. I try to be as discreet as I can with the gender of those I’m dating which kind of makes it hard to say outright that the person I was talking about was my girlfriend. We were exclusive. The conversation had been said twice. So there was no question. I was trying to be empathetic to those who may not agree with my lifestyle or maybe any kids who read it and won’t understand. I’m not ashamed of who I am or embarrassed or anything like that, but I know that a lot of people have less than favorable things to say about who I date. So it makes my life a lot easier to avoid being called perverted or a sinner and whatever else people choose to throw at me and just be generic.
Long story short…I decided that a break up was best for me. I felt horrible saying the words. I feel immature to some degree for not being able to let go and get over it. It killed me to sit there and see her cry and hug her while she cried more while walking out my door. But I don’t feel good about having to have that kind of conversation less than a month in. We would’ve been together for a month on the 18th, but that’s a wash.
I had to admit to her that the majority of my reasoning for the break up was mostly my ego. It kills me to know that my friends stood there and saw someone I thought wanted to be only with me kiss and mug down with someone else. I kind of think that the true self comes out when you drink, which proves that I am truly a jerk at heart. Like I said yesterday I have been there and done dumb things when I was drunk. But I did things when I was single or casually dating someone that I saw no future with. So that makes me think that that must be her feelings and thoughts towards me. I had my mind made up on this before she and I ever talked yesterday, which might not be fair. But that’s how it is. I felt betrayed and angry and foolish and I don’t understand how someone who says they care about me could do something to possibly lead to my feeling this way. That doesn’t set well and I don’t know where we would’ve gone from there and I really don’t want to waste my time on a lost cause.
It sucks so bad to say all of this because this girl is a good one most of the time. But we are hugely social and drinking happens and I cannot be with someone who I question 90% of our weekend. Does this make sense to anyone?
I’m sad because I hate hurting people. Believe it or not I am very sensitive to other people’s feelings. And my decision hurt her and I cannot apologize enough. But I deserve to be treated fantastically and this action was not was not fantastic. I’m coming to terms with the fact that it’s ok to do what I need to do to feel good about my life and be happy. I’m never going to be OK with hurting someone else for my own sake, but I feel like this was necessary for me .
With that being said, this is the first Valentine’s Day I will spend alone since I’ve been old enough to date. I’m kind of bitter because I’m not good at being single, but clearly I’m not good at relationships either. Otherwise I’d be in one. But I’m not. So I failed somewhere. Maybe I should take it in for a little while and figure out where I keep going wrong. Clearly there is something wrong with me to lead her to let her discretions down and kiss someone else. So what is it? I asked another person I dated what my biggest flaw as a significant other was and was told that when we started to get close, I would say forget it and she would back off again. But I think I freaked out over her not letting me in and didn’t believe it when it finally started to happen. I was truly crazy about this person and wish that it hadn’t happened that way, but it did. So now I can just learn from the mistake and hold on next time and take it as it comes.
So, here I am again. Single and expecting to go thru my crazy get over it period. Or maybe I won’t. I dunno. But that’s the update on things. Thanks again for all of the advice and support. And, for those of you who are in love and have something to celebrate…congratulations and HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!
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Shannon we love you no matter who you date.As for said girl, I don’t care how drunk you get you don’t make out with someone with your significant other standing there(unless of coures they like that)You don’t deserve someone you can’t trust. SHe’s out there for ya baby just wait. WHen you find her it will be all fireworks and sparklers.
Comment by Angela — February 14, 2008 #
Fire may even shoot out yer butt…. sounds crazy.. I know… but its either that or a 40 ft satellite dish.
In all seriousness… sorry for your loss. You are a good person, no one can take that from ya shrimpy.
Comment by Rev Chew Toy — February 14, 2008 #
Shannon, you are a good person and are still young. We all go through the heartbreaks and they suck but when you finally do meet that “special someone” they will treat you just the way you’ve always wanted and dreamed of being treated and loved. And of course, we all have our own issues to work on but you sound like you are going to be O.K. Keep your spirits up! Happy Valentines Day!
Comment by Molly — February 14, 2008 #
You are a great person and that is all that matters, keep your head up and the right person for you will come along no matter what the gender.
Comment by Dawn — February 14, 2008 #
Shannon- I know you are hurting. Feeling pain and hurting does not make you weak, it makes you human. I think you have to acknowledge this pain in order for you to heal. I know deep in my heart that you will be okay. I think you and I are allot alike. I thought that when I first started listening to the show, but when I started reading your blogs, I feel like I have gotten to know you. Break ups are always hard, no matter if they are after 10 years or 3 weeks… I love you and you are a very strong woman. You will be okay, just don’t ignore these feelings, embrace them, make them yours, try to understand them and then you should be able to move on. Have a great day.
Comment by Mandi — February 14, 2008 #
Hang in there.
Comment by Lori — February 14, 2008 #
tis far better to be alone for all the right reasons than to be with someone for all the wrong reasons…that being said…q: what do you call a lesbian with long nails?!?…a: single.
Comment by craig — February 14, 2008 #
hey shanon!
i know it sucks, but if you felt that strong about it, you did the right thing. in my opinion, it wouldn’t be fair to you for you to have to wonder what might happen with her (what she may or may not do) each time you guys go out…either together or solo. and, don’t think that because of your “flaws” (just going with what you’ve said, far from my own opinion) that you don’t deserve to be treated exactly as you wish to be treated, because you do!
Comment by jen — February 14, 2008 #
(different mandi than before here)
I just wanted to let you know that I think you made the right decision to end the relationship. You can’t have a healthy relationship with somebody you don’t trust. And who cares who you date? Just date whomever makes you happy…regardless of gender. We love you no matter what. So…all that being said, you can have a rockin Valentine’s Day while single!
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!
Comment by mandi — February 14, 2008 #
Thank you Shannon for finally coming out and telling your listeners about your lifestyle. I know you’ve probably held back because peoples opinions can be downright hurtful. I was in a relationship with a girl for the past 10 months. We split up for reasons out of my control. I am a single mom and live in a small town. I have heard all the negative comments from my family about how wrong it is to be in a relationship with the same sex. Bottom line, gender has nothing to do with it as far as i’m concerned, it’s all about the connection and the love that you share with that person. Keep your head up and don’t feel bad about breaking things off with this girl. If she was truly interested in making things work with you she never would have done what she did. Your someone is out there somewhere…Still looking for mine! You sound like an amazing person who loves a good time, and therese no reason you can’t find someone to enjoy those times with you without her alcohal getting in the way. Good luck!
Comment by single momma — February 14, 2008 #
This is not your fault. Don’t blame your self for someone else’s actions. She messed up not you. You were committed and ready to have a long lasting relationship. She wasn’t. That’s ok, she wasnt meant for you. You know what I most admire about you? Is that you recognize that you have flaws. Just like everyone else. Just keep working at it and you will soon meet the person of your dreams.
Comment by Grace — February 14, 2008 #
I think you made the right decision. You shouldn’t have to question your relationship. Drunk or not, you are with someone, and kissing someone else while drunk doesn’t excuse it. Hang in there. I love reading your blogs although I am not a frequent commenter. You seem to be a strong person and you undoubtedly deserve the best.
Comment by Victoria — February 14, 2008 #
cool cupcakes for vday
http://yumsugar.com/1024600
Comment by craig — February 14, 2008 #
Hang in there. It’s hard to be judged. And ultimately the only opinions that matter are yours and those who truly care about you. You have an entitlement to happiness, regardless of gender, race or religion. And you deserve to be cherished from day one…this girl didn’t obviously recognize that. And if she has a problem with her actions while drinking…if she respected you and your relationship she wouldn’t drink to that point. You should come play softball with us…and forget about things for a while. And Happy Valentines Day to you…because YOU are a SWEET HEART!
Comment by JL — February 14, 2008 #
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BE OK WITH YOURSELF BEING SINGLE BEOFRE YOU CAN BE OK IN A RELATIONSHIP YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! LIKE IT WAS A LESSON TO ME TO LEARN TO LIKE BEING SINGLE AND NOW IM IN A GREAT RELATIONSHIP! JUST TAKE YOUR TIME YOUR FINE! YOU WILL FIND THAT GREAT SIGNIFICANT OTHER I PROMISE AND YOU ARE MORE THAN WORTH IT!
Comment by KATY — February 14, 2008 #
Shannon,
Remember what Kellie always says on the show. Dating is a weeding out process. You will find the right person for you. Don’t say that you are not good at relationships. You just haven’t found the one thats for you, but you will.
You will find someone that you can make happy just by being you, just like you do for us everyday on the radio. You never fail to make me laugh. You have many fans and friends that love you!
Comment by Kelly — February 14, 2008 #
Your a strong woman and a role model to many people in the community dont be afraid to say your a lesbian, be proud. Dont be afraid cause you never know who you may help by being open and let them know it is okay…. The more people that see postive things from our gay community the more it will be accepted! – You will find love that incident was just a small speed bump on the road to it, learn from it and grow.
Comment by Jessica — February 14, 2008 #
I am sooooooo stoked that you have finally laid it out on the table. Kudos comrade!
Comment by cindi — February 14, 2008 #
love is like Heaven…but it can hurt like hell.
Comment by craig — February 14, 2008 #
Shanan please do not concern yourself about the idiots who think it is ok to judge people, they are rude and mean, and do not deserve one minute of thought from you. you say and do what you want to if people like that do not like it then they can skip over your blog entry.
keep rockin…
Shannon
Comment by Shannon — February 14, 2008 #
Shanon, I know this isn’t really of my business and just tell me that if you want to, but I just had to ask. I’ve been listening to the show since you were dating Chris back in the day, but I don’t know if you ever clarified this. Did you always have an attraction to women and just hid it or were you one of those people who always had failed relationships with men and suddenly had a self-realization as to why they didn’t work out?
Like I said, it not really my business, but I’ve always been curious as to what you experience was. If you have ever addressed it before, I guess I missed it. Also, keep your head up. You are a much better person than you allow yourself to believe you are. And you are not selfish…you just want the resepct everyone deserves for themselves.
Comment by Dane — February 14, 2008 #
OK so this is YOUR blog..so it is understandably a little one sided. The silly drunken kiss would never have happened if you wouldn’t have been playing head games and deserted her at the bar. Insecurities make people do really stupid things and I’m sure that no one knows that better than you. If it is that easy to dump her, then it sounds like her insecurities were completely valid. And if you are truly only letting her go because of your ego and what people think, that is just SAD. You were right about one thing, she is a GOOD one, good as gold, honest to the core..and I think you are too..so stop worrying about what other people think and follow your heart. Happy Valentines day.
Comment by MEL — February 14, 2008 #
shanon, I’m so proud of you for not putting up with that!!! You DESERVE to be treated with respect AT ALL TIMES– alcohol or not… Please don’t blame yourself for HER BAD BEHAVIOR– it’s not that you did anything to “drive her to” it, it’s just her decision. Period. Alcohol or not, she CHOSE to cheat on you.. YOU DESERVE BETTER. So, hold your head up and wipe the dust off your feet and move on. Someone wonderful will come. Someone you won’t have to make excuses for!!
Comment by melanie — February 14, 2008 #
I know it’s sucky to be alone, but maybe you can take some time to figure out what kind of person you really want to be with. And you should never stay in a relationship where you spend way more than half of the time worrying about what she is doing. Don’t they always say when you drink, the truth comes out? What do you think that means the truth is when it comes to her?
As for liking girls, people are going to find something to criticize everyone about. Be happy with who you are and people will see how happy you are and either have to accept it or move on.
Comment by kayla — February 15, 2008 #
How does someone come to the belief that being single can be construed as a pass or fail within themselves? Even in any relationship isn’t there a part that is still some individuality? I do believe that if you’re not comfortable with yourself by yourself then the chances that you would wrap your world around the “we” are pretty strong. Everything in life has a balance, and even in a relationship, the “you, me and the us” have to be balanced as well, too much of one and the other suffers.
How did you fail? Did you not gain something from this relationship? Did you not grow that much more or learn something more about yourself that you didn’t know before? Worst case is, is that you learned one thing more of what you wish from a relationship. If you think your will can control someone else’s actions, you are going to be in for a lot of disappointments. The only thing in life you can control is yourself.
I don’t really understand the “forget it” comment. Are you saying that when you tried to get closer and when that individual stepped back you gave up? If that is the case, sometimes you have to use another approach or maybe you really didn’t want to know ie: just gave up. We all don’t react the same way.
If you meant that things didn’t move fast enough for you “letting you in” we all have doubts about ourselves and others and trust usually resolves those.
You really don’t sound “psycho” to me. Are you sure this isn’t just another bit, lol?
Happy Valentines Day “you”.
Comment by NorthrnLights — February 15, 2008 #
I know that this will sound cliche, but you must be happy with YOURSELF before you will ever be happy with anyone else. Learn to make yourself happy and to be comfortable on your own. Only when Shannon is enough for Shannon will you be really able and ready to be there for someone else the way I know you really want to be. Keep your head up!
Comment by Dana — February 15, 2008 #
Hi Shanon –
Dont be sad. There are about a million other girls who would line up down the block for a chance for you to look their way.
Comment by Desiree — February 15, 2008 #
Shannon
Glad to hear you made the right choice, you will be better off in the long run. Don’t appolagize for who you are, although I wish you were on the other team, maybe I would have a shot. Love you!!!! Barry
Comment by Barry — February 16, 2008 #
Hey Lady! One thing I have learned…You can’t help who you love, and you are not suppost to! I would hate for you to be in a relationship for the wrong reasons, and it sounds like you did the right thing! As for your life style…Don’t let people get you down! You are a wonderful person who is kind, and looking for what every other person in this world is too, to have a relationship were you can love and be loved, and there is no shame in that! Hang in there sweets!
Comment by Kristen — February 16, 2008 #
please…no flack from the feminazis…but…i predict that Shannon will marry…and even have a child…trust me…i know…i have brought two gals back to team hetero.
Comment by craig — February 17, 2008 #
When you write about your recent relationship situation you have questioned your girlfriends actions, how she was wrong, her drinking excuse, and how what she did made you look in front of your friends. Why don’t you publicly question what part you or your actions may have played in this situation? Meanwhile, I hope she questions whether or not she wants a relationship with someone who will point out her worst moments to the public after only a month
Comment by MEM — February 22, 2008 #