Shanon’s Blog

Kellie’s on the Maroon 5 makeover plan…I’m on the New Kids on the Block Reunion Tour makeover plan. I am too excited. I would love to be their stalker and go from city to city watching every concert and then waiting backstage until Joey comes out after the show because…let’s face it…Joey is the hottest one. I used to have a NKOTB sleeping bag until it disappeared one day while I was at school. It wasn’t just a sleeping bag. I used it as a comforter, TV watching blanket…anything you could use a NKOTB sleeping bag for. I had a Joey t-shirt and I watched their Magic Summer video over and over. Oh my goodness I used to love them and I can still sing along to their songs because I have the NKOTB Greatest Hits CD in my car. Maybe I do truly have stalker potential.

Today is kind of a big day for me. My friend Switch has asked me to be the announcer at her schools softball game. I said that I would, but only if I could do it in a British accent. I practiced this accent over the weekend, and I don’t think I quite have it perfected. Maybe close to perfection, but not totally. I can only say “hello” really well and the only reason it sounds British is because I cut off the “h” and just say “ello.” That makes it British, right?

I had the best, hardest work out I’ve ever had yesterday. I went to a local sports training facility called Velocity. Can I just tell you that my NKOTB make over will be a success if I continue to go there? I sweat when I do the elliptical, but this workout made me look like I’d stepped into the shower fully clothed. Is there any better feeling? Is there anything hotter than a chic walking around sweaty because she pushed herself that hard? If you don’t know the answer to that question, it’s no. There is nothing hotter. At least in my opinion.

I am still in my funk, but I feel like I will come out of it pretty quickly. I don’t know why I feel that way, but I do. I’ve got some stuff going on that I can’t yet talk about because it involves people other than me and I don’t know how much I can say without revealing too much. I will say this, though. I’m in a Valentine’s Day quandary. I’ve been dating someone for less than a month now. We’ve known each other for longer, but have been together since January 18^th. I’m horribly torn as to what I should do; especially since I am working that night and I have two flag football games, too. I’ve never been a fan of Valentine’s Day and I expect nothing from anyone…so what do I do? We go out to eat and stuff all the time. We are not at the point where the “L” word has been said. I don’t like the feeling of being obligated to give a gift and I don’t want someone feeling like they have to give me anything. I guess that’s why I don’t expect anything from anyone. I’d rather put a lot of thought into a random gift. But then I’d have to be uber thoughtful and come up with the perfect gift and I’m not sure that I’m capable of that. I will figure something great out. There’s even too much pressure in giving a card. It can’t be one of those pour your heart out cards because that’s not where I’m at. I just don’t want to look stupid. That seems to be my biggest fear in life at the moment. I will get into that story as soon as we figure some things out and I feel like I can tell it.

Wow what a weekend. It wasn’t spectacular. It wasn’t horrible either, though. It just was. And I will take that over disastrous and horrible any day.  It started out on Friday hanging out with my friend. We went to lunch and then Bass Pro Shops and then the electronics store. Then it was out to dinner with a couple of the person I’m dating friends. I got a text from Kellie asking if we wanted to swing by a bar she was at, so we did. It was too crowded for my taste, so we didn’t last long. But I loved the bar and will probably go back on a less busy night. Then it was off to a friend’s birthday party at the bar. It was a lot of fun, but I was tired and probably a buzz kill.  

Then off to Saturday. We went to my mom’s house bright and early to help her pick out a home gym. We also played catch in the store and I don’t remember what all we did. But we showed my mom a good time and it was nice to see her outside the house for a little bit. My grandpa lives with my mom and dad and needs a lot of care. He’s like 85 years old and my mom is so dedicated to making sure that he’s taken care of. So she doesn’t go a lot of places unless he can go with her or unless someone else can stay with him. She does what a good daughter should do for a parent who needs them. She totally makes me call into question the goodness of my daughtership when I wonder if I could do what she does with her dad. I think I could, but I don’t know.

Sunday was as perfect to a day as I’ve seen in a while as far as the weather goes. Oprah and I took a trip to the dog park. We went with my friend Melinda who owns Sawyer, Oprah’s boyfriend. It was pretty ok. Then we hit the boat show where I found the boat of my dreams. I don’t need any $85,000 boat. It’s unnecessary. I just want a nice ski boat. Mastercraft. Bright yellow if I can, please. I plan on hooking my boat up to the hose next weekend to see if it will start. I’m praying it does. Expecially after the perfect weather we had yesterday. I’m pumped for the summer. It just makes me happy. Being able to camp and fish and go out on my kayak. I’m pretty easy to please.

I’m a stupid funk again. What’s my problem? I think the big problem is that I don’t know why I’m in a funk. I’m told that I look happy, but I don’t know what happy feels like to know if I’m there. I don’t think that I am. So summer hurry up and get here. It’s bad to the point that on Saturday we went out and I disappeared to the patio and sat by myself until people convinced me to come back downstairs. I was excited about going out earlier in the day, but once we got there I was out.

I went and bought the “Four Agreements” on Friday and the companion book “The Mastery of Love.” I intend to read them both cover to cover and hopefully let them change my life forever. I’m hoping. I’ve tried to read the Four Agreements before and didn’t make it very far. I’m gonna try again though because it cannot hurt. So I’ll let you know how that goes.

I think the list of things that I want is way too long. I get to thinking about wanting all this stuff that I don’t need. A crotch rocket, new boat, fancy comforter for my overpriced bed…knowing that I cannot get those things for myself right now drives me crazy. I feel like a failure. I want to send my mom and dad on vacation in the Bahamas, but I can’t just throw that on a charge card and think nothing of it. I want that so bad. I want to be able to give things to people that they would never get for themselves. I love that feeling and I hate that I don’t have it right now.

I got a text last week that said thanks for all the thoughtful things I do, but I didn’t deserve that text. People say that they love me, but I don’t know that I believe them. People who I never thought would lie to me are lying to me and it doesn’t seem to phase them. I think I set myself up for these stupid funks because there’s no need for me to think about all this stuff, but I obsess over it. I don’t want to get back on my medicine, but I might have to. I’m such a weak person to have to take a stupid pill to function socially.

Just do me a favor as you read this. Please don’t email me and tell me that I’m selfish for being sad because I cannot go out and get the new Jeep that I want. I know that I’m selfish and I don’t need to be told how stupid it is for me to be upset over this kind of thing. Maybe I’m stupid for actually writing this out and not keeping it to myself. I open myself up to the criticism, so I should be able to take it. So say what you want. Maybe hearing what an idiot I am for the 1,000^th time will sink in this time.

I got a lot of stuff done yesterday, but nothing too exciting. I went to Wal Mart to buy Diet Snapple…my new passion in life. The Plum-a-granite stuff is the best ever and there’s only like 10 calories in it. But it’s kind of expensive. It’s $7.99 for a 12 pack of Diet Snapple at Wal-Mart which is a dollar or two cheaper than it is at the regular grocery store. So I will go to the mega store and battle the crowds and stuff to save that money because I’m trying to be a cheapskate. Not drinking has helped with that a lot because now I don’t feel the need to buy all of my friend’s drinks throughout the night. I love doing it. That makes me happy.  Is it going to be a big weekend? I’m not really sure. I’m most excited about getting to sleep in until I wake up. That alarm going off in the morning really beats me down, as I’m sure it does everyone reading this. Tonight is my friends birthday party at our new favorite spot. Tomorrow’s a typical Saturday with some softball practice thrown in. Softball, football, Buffalo Wild Wings, then roller derby and the bar. Sunday is the boat show to look at wake boards because, believe it or not, they had summer stuff out at Wal-Mart, so you know it’s coming. I cannot wait. Amanda has a couple of jet skis and a work schedule similar to mine, so hopefully we’ll get to hit the lake a ton this year. Last year was monsoon season so I didn’t even get my fishing license. Blah rain.  Dianthe had her baby but I didn’t have a chance to go there and see her yesterday. I’m a little scared to go see the baby since I’ve been sick, so maybe I won’t. But I’m hoping she sees the light and names the baby Shanon Oprah. It’s the perfect name. Forget all that family surname stuff. Just name her after me. In fact, everyone name your babies after me so I don’t have to if I ever have one. I want to name my baby Lauren or something. I don’t know. I’m most def not expecting any babies right now, so I’ve got time to figure that out.  I’ll admit that I’m in a completely horrible mood today. I’m sure I will come out of it, but right now I wouldn’t talk to me. It’s that kind of bad mood where I feel like my eyes should change color and have a hint of red in them because I could probably spit fire at this second. I don’t know why I’m in this mood. Nothing is wrong. Can you jus totally wake up on the wrong side of the bed? If you can, I totally did today. I’m gonna stop typing about it because reminding myself of my crappy mood isn’t going to get me out of it. So only happy thoughts now.
                     

It really was nice to sleep in my own bed for a couple hours last night. It was good to see Michelle and Keith. Oprah missed me like crazy, but Brody didn’t. In fact all he wanted to do was kiss Michelle’s face. Should I be jealous? Does my cat love her more than me? I mean I guess it’s ok if he does. I can’t really say I blame him.

I wish that yesterday had been full of excitement and fun, but it wasn’t. We did the show, went back to the hotel to pack, then headed to the airport. We were at the airport or in an airplane for over 8 hours yesterday and there’s only so much you can do in a restaurant, gift shop, or airplane seat. I think I took a nap. I watched JC sleep for a little while. I watched Blades of Glory which was pretty fantastic. I panicked over the airplane mechanic needing a maintenance manual to fix whatever was wrong and caused us to sit there for forever and a day. That’s not very comforting. I could get an instruction manual and fix the plane, too.

I got home to see that the couch I ordered had arrived. I wanted to give my old couch to the Salvation Army or something, but it’s oversized and they say it will cost me $200 for them to come and get it. Really? I have to pay to donate something? So it looks like the thing is going to the dumpster. I don’t really understand this theory of charging me for a donation. I understand why they wouldn’t want to come and get it, but isn’t that someone’s job? My old couch will not fit thru my door, so it has to be lowered over my patio fence and onto a truck to get it out of my apartment. It’s a pain. I know this. But they’re denying a $1000 couch that just needs a little clean up. Oh well. We tried.

Tonight is flag football. It’s the co-ed team that JC and I play on. Well, he plays, I run around in a circle and yell “I’m open.” I don’t blame him for not throwing it to me. I run down the field and get wide open…but then I forget to turn around and look for the ball. Saturday starts softball practice. I’m pretty excited about that because I am pretty good at that sport. I’m on my way to being hot again. There’s no stopping me now. So get ready world. I’m going to be the untouchable one soon. Yay that.

I pretty much can’t believe that I am getting paid to be in the Bahamas. This place is so amazing. I was kind of dreading coming because I’ve not felt good since I got the stupid flu last week. I’m still not able to hold much down. I held down a couple of crackers and rice yesterday, but that’s it since Saturday. I don’t know what’s wrong, but I’m tired of it. I’m hoping it’s some 4 day bug that follows the flu and I’m almost over it.

Last week I didn’t blog since all I had to talk about was watching episode after episode of Roseanne and sleeping a ton. I started running a fever of 103 out of nowhere and it’s sucked ever since. But I’m going to quit whining about that and talk about the Bahamas.

The best part of this has been hanging out with Kellie and Al. Kellie is one of the most fun people I know when I get the chance to be around her. We’ve rapped together, danced together, eaten together, paraded around in our swimsuits together (and I feel kinda bad for her cause me in a swimsuit is not a good thing quite yet), made fun of Al together…all kinds of stuff. I so wish that I knew more people who were A) Straight and B)Male because I’m pretty sure I could hook Kellie up with some true love. I mean she so deserves it. And while I may cry during Jordin Sparks because I want the perfect love of my own, but now I might cry for Kellie. 

The only thing that sucks about the Bahamas is the phone situation. I bought a phone card, but it doesn’t work. I don’t know how much texts cost, but my minutes at $3.00 a piece. I can’t afford all that, so I’m kinda out. I feel so lost. I hope that people miss me since I’m so out of touch, but I’m not completely confident in this. I guess I will find out. If anyone bothers to tell me when they see me. So far I’ve gotten one “I miss you”  on MySpace, but that’s all I got. 

I will post some pics on MySpace as soon as I can, but internet connections are also kind of hard to come by here. So look for those. myspace.com/shanonmurphy