Shanon’s Blog

Right now all I can say is that it sucks to be a girl. I am cramping so horribly bad. It kept me up most of the night and it just won’t stop and I don’t know why. Don’t they say that physical activity is supposed to help make it a tad bit better? I’m gonna go ahead and call bologna on that theory because I was curled up in the fetal position until my knees went numb even though I played two football games and 3 softball games this week. Is that not enough activity? What gives?

It was Keith’s birthday over the weekend and, while he is my best friend and I do love him to death, he is a pain in my butt. I don’t like gift giving sometimes because there’s too much pressure to get it right. Especially when it’s a gift for your best friend/roommate and I’m supposed to be one of the people who knows him best. I went to the store on Friday afternoon and wandered in circles for the longest time. I finally made up my mind and put two shirts on the counter to check out, only to give into my second guessing and tell them to put those shirts back on the rack and I got him one nice one that I knew he would never buy for himself. I think I did OK, but I think I have a tad bit of color blindness and no sense of anything fashion related. So I don’t really know.

Also on Friday I had sushi. Someone brought some to the studio one day last week and I really liked it. So Mary and I had a to-go order of sushi. I guess it was sushi. It wasn’t like big chunks of raw whatever, but anything related to something that has swam in water at some point is seafood to me. And uncooked seafood makes it sushi. It was so fantastic. Especially the one kind in the sweet and sour sauce. It was so great I actually craved the stuff again on Saturday. I didn’t have it, but it was on my mind. The best part of it was not feeling guilty after I was done stuffing my face. It didn’t take that much to fill me up and what I ate was not bad for me, I don’t think. Maybe my taste buds are finally catching up to my age and I’m opening up to at least trying things I refused before.

Yesterday was a pretty full day that kind of sucked because of the cramps from hell. I had a softball game and I can say with confidence that it was one of the worst games I’ve ever had. I’m not a spectacular athlete in any area, but I can occasionally hit and catch the ball. Yesterday I couldn’t do either and it felt horrible. I guess bad days happen and I need to learn to shake it off. I also went to Uncle Daddy’s BBQ for a little bit, but didn’t stay long because I had other stuff going on.

I’ve got more but it’s going to have to wait until tomorrow. I’m going to go curl up in the fetal position on the studio floor for a few minutes. It can’t hurt at this point.

I was in rare form yesterday with my level of grumpiness. I wasn’t mad at anyone in particular (sort of), but it was just one of those days. I didn’t sleep much on Tuesday night and I was overwhelmed with stuff to do yesterday. Not really overwhelmed…just a bad day to go nonstop on no sleep. And I’m a stupid idiot and yesterday before the show I was rushing to get our sound effect machines in the studio and hooked up. In trying to do this in less than 30 seconds, I knocked myself in the head with the pointy corner of one of them. Now I have a knot on my forehead on one side and a giant pimple on the other side and my whole stupid forehead hurts. Maybe it’s God’s way of getting back at me.

I rarely see both of my parents at the same time because they have completely different work schedules. My dad drives a truck from here to a city about an hour plus away from like 5PM until around 4 or 5 AM. My mom is an executive assistant with hours of like 6AM until 4PMish. So they don’t cross paths that often. They are both on vacation this week, so my mom wanted my sister and I to go out to dinner with them. And my grandpa. I’ll admit I was not in a good mood when I got there, but I tried to keep it to myself. Unsuccessfully, but I tried. I really do feel bad now because I went in there with the full potential to ruin the one occasion that we were all able to go do something together. I think I pulled it together on the way to the place, but I still felt bad about the way I was before. Dinner ended up being very nice and I even told two or three jokes, but they weren’t worthy of Diet Pepsi coming out of my nose again. Anyway…

I’ve calmed down with the hormonal induced eating (thank goodness) because I was starting to feel kind of bad about it. I mean I went to town on my Chipotle bacon cheeseburger. Proof that I’m a hormonally raging mess…I ate bacon. I don’t like bacon. But I dipped that bacon in ranch dressing and had at it. And then I had onion rings with ranch and ketchup. I felt fulfilled after the meal. But I also felt like a glutton.

My brain is all mush and gush right now, so I will keep this one short today. I’ve got plenty to talk about, but I don’t want to be put under the microscope right now. Maybe tomorrow. I think I will probably take some time to go and sit outside of the abbey today. Mary introduced me to the abbey and now it’s the most peaceful place I know. It just feels good to be there and I could use some feeling good today. I’m sure it’s just because I can’t sleep, but I just want to feel good. So that’s what I’m going to focus on today.

Have you ever been pecked in the eye by a chicken? I have. I’m so stupid and getting pecked by a chicken hurts. I was doing something on the ground and the chicken was walking around in the back yard. Anyway, I can’t remember how, but somehow I ended up laying on the concrete with a 4 year old bouncing on my stomach. I guess this upset the chicken because she pecked me in the eye. Thank goodness I have cat like blinky reflexes and can close my eyes pretty fast when I’m in a bind…so Chickey got my eye lid instead of my eye ball.

 Really random, but my sister and I went to work out and ended up next to the over grunter. That guy who can barely lift the weights he’s insisting on using and even though I know that all he wants to do is throw up because he’s pushing himself so hard I can’t help but snicker. Just calm it down and use the 30 lb weight instead of the 47.0lb one. It’s no big deal. I will judge you a helluva lot less for using a smaller weight than I do as you sit there and grunt uncontrollably. And after you lift that weight, please don’t get up and show off the veins bulging out of your head. And don’t look at me like I should be attracted to you because I’m absolutely not. This guy made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Seriously.  Can I ask your honest opinion on something? Am I delusional for making the comments that I am good a refilling my stupid bottle? Please don’t offer me cheap therapy because of my blog yesterday. Seriously, I question the reputation of a therapy person who would imply that I’m not all there because of my blogs. Maybe I’ve got a lot on my brain and am being a little sensitive when the person who apparently gawks at me while I’m out and reads my blog just to criticize them and call me crazy…not setting well with me.  I’m going to just stop now because I’m really, really not in a good mood and I don’t want to bring everyone else down with me. Hope you guys have a fantastic day and I will feed off of your enthusiasm for that fantastic day to make mine better.

My sister and I hit the gym for the first time in a while last night and her boyfriend came along with us to make sure we knew what we were doing and to show us some new stuff. It was a pretty tough hour and a half, but one that we needed. I think I’m PMSing AGAIN because I never crave carbs like I did yesterday. And salt. I’m not that big on salt unless it’s on certain things, but I could’ve poured a bottle of Morton’s salt on my tongue and maybe loved it. I ate Chicken in a Biscuits like they were going out of style. With Easy Cheese. And reduced fat Cheez It’s. then some pastry and an apple jelly sandwich.  Let me tell you about the greatness of the apple jelly sandwich. Or the peanut butter and apple jelly sandwich. If you want a pain in the butt eater, I’m your girl. I feel so bad sometimes because I’m so totally picky. I love Mexican Food and wraps. Cereal, sandwiches, and salad. I am so sure that people get tired of having to deal with my habits. But I have been turned onto some fantastic new things that I could tell you about, but they are kind of a big deal to me. It’s so simple, too. OK. Here’s one that is so simple. So standard. But I never gave it a fair shot. Ketchup and ranch. Together. My mom made fried chicken for us last week and every bite of friend badness dipped in ketchup and ranch was a little piece of heaven. We went to Corner Bar one day last week and tried the sampler platter. It had quesadillas, fried jalapenos, mini corndogs, and cheese fries. I have never appreciated the corn dog…or the mini corn dog…like I did on this occasion. Nor have I ever wanted to have the tasty goodness in my mouth like I have since that night. Dipped in ranch, mustard and ketchup! How exciting is this! I have more dipping secrets that have been taught to me, but I choose not to share because I want them to be sacred.  Oh…one more thing. I had dinner with Mary and her family on Sunday for Easter. They made chicken and a Louisiana specialty I’d never had before. I don’t know how to spell it…boudin? It was so great and I want more of it. I would have never guessed that fried rice and meat would be so freaking fantastic. But it was. And dipping it in ranch took away from the taste. This is the only item of food I’ve ever had that’s taste was taken away with ranch. My mind is so on food right now and I know  it’s because I’m a hormonal mess. This always happens. I don’t like nuts but yesterday my peantut butter and apple jelly sandwich was with extra crunchy peanut butter. And I want a Snickers bar and I don’t like chocolate either. Nor do I ever HAVE TO HAVE a soda. But I can’t get the tasty taste of diet coke from the fountain out of my head. What’s wrong with me? I have to think of something else to think about, so here’s a list of the most recent stuff I’ve downloaded.Leona Lewis- Bleeding LoveLil Wayne- LollipopUsher- love In This ClubLil Mama- Shawty Get LooseT-Pain- She Got It Do you notice a trend? All rap and hip hop. No country. I think my heart and mind was meant to love  rap and hip hop instead of sad country. I can still listen to it, but I think I’m going through a phase where I just want to bounce because that’s what I’m good at. At least it’s one thing in a long list of things I’m good at. I could do that list, too, but I don’t really know what I would put on it. Have you ever tried to deliberately think and make a list of things you are good at? It’s pretty much impossible unless you include the small things like double knotting my shoes, which I used to be great at but now not so much. I’m also good at refilling my water bottle because I drink so much water I cannot afford to use a new bottle every time I run out. I’m good at heating up instant hot dogs and putting ranch and ketchup on my plate. I am also good at scrubbing my bathroom sink with Clorox wipes which are GOD SENT and plunging the toilet when needed. I should just stop there. I am NOT good at taking a pill while drinking water through a straw. I think it’s all in my head, but I choke every time. I guess it’s not really going to make anyones day better or worse for knowing this info, but there you go.

Wow, what a vacation. If there was ever a plan to sleep as much as possible, I was able to carry it out. I slept more than I knew my body was capable of. I so needed that though. I feel like a lazy bum for it, but at some point your body just has to give in and accept like two solid days of sleep. It was fabulous. And I slept in good company, so that made it even better.

Let me try and remember the highlights of the week. On Monday we went out for dinner and fun. It was dinner and fun until I got pulled over on the way back. Apparently I had pulled up too far in the intersection at a red light. I didn’t run it. I wasn’t in the intersection completely. I had pulled too far past the fat white line, giving the officer reason to believe that I was drunk. I did the full on test. I watched the pen for what seemed like forever. I walked in a straight line and counted to nine, turned around and did it again. If you’ve never wanted to pee in your pants before, get pulled over at 1AM and try and walk a straight line on a windy day. It’s nerve racking. Drunk or not, you get that feeling that you’re doing SOMETHING worthy of going to jail for. My knees were shaking and I was convinced that even that was worthy of getting arrested for. I knew I wasn’t drunk, but you still get this “Oh my goodness” feeling that is completely overwhelming. I passed with flying colors, but it was still scary.

I didn’t work out once while we were off, so I feel like a fattie. My diet has been off because I was in not caring mode. But the way things are going, I’m about to be working out or doing something 7 days a week. Monday is the Velocity workout. Tuesday is co-ed softball. Wednesday is the gym. Thursday is football. Friday is workout (or most likely a day off, making it 6 days a week). Saturday is softball and football. Sunday is volleyball and softball. If I can keep this up, I will be in good shape. I will be ready for Mexico come Memorial Day Weekend. That’s my hope and if I can just stick with it, I’ll look fabulous. I don’t want a 6 pack or anything. I just want to be able to walk in a room and know that I’m in the top 5 hottest people there. I don’t think I’m there yet. On my way, yes. But not there now.

Over the break we were talking about how we would spend money if we won the lottery. I’m still thinking about it. I would hire my favorite performer for the biggest and best party EVER. But who would that artist be? The Dixie Chicks? A NKOTB reunion?  Missy Elliott? Diddy? Who would it be? I don’t feel like I can stop having this conversation with myself in my head until I come to an absolute conclusion. I know I’d buy a hella ski boat. And maybe a Jeep and crotch rocket. A yellow one to match my helmet. And maybe a pink camo one for my crazy days. I’d get a pretty shiny bicycle. Maybe a Schwinn because I don’t think I ever had one of those. I did have a pink and white Huffy and a green ten speed that I crashed into a tree one time because I was playing ambulance by myself because nobody in my neighborhood spoke English and I was trying to rescue my pretend friend in record time and couldn’t stop with the brakes before the tree made me stop. It hurt. I still remember that. Then one time I got a brand new Murray bicycle for my birthday. Not I have a red bike that I haven’t  ridden in years because it needs a new chain and tire tubes.

I should let people hire me to come to their party and do Karaoke. Or at least be the back up dancer for people who want to be the singer. I could make a lot of extra money that way. Maybe I will buy a website or something. Probably not, but it sounds cool in theory.

Hi. I know I’m not acknowledged as the best dancer ever, but maybe this video will change yur mind. If you ever wanted to learn the K-Wang, here’s your instructional video. There are several different ways to do the dance and this is my way. So please don’t go watching other videos and then write me and tell me mine is wrong because it’s not.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0JlXgmUI5c

Ok. First of all I will express my sincere discontent in my heart immediately after reading that Showtime just renewed the L Word for it’s 6^th and FINAL SEASON!?! Really? Why would they end it? I know it’s so cliché but this show brings me joy. I look forward to watching it and I get in a funk when I miss it. I have learned to Season Pass it on my TIVO to make sure that doesn’t happen anymore. But, just a notice to all of my people, they are taking it away from us. I will protest if Bette and Tina don’t get together. I will not be happy if Max is still around because I don’t really see much point to that character. If Adelle doesn’t reveal her psycho ways and do something worthwhile, I will not be happy. Why do they have to take it away from us? We don’t ask for a lot in this world…it really does make me sad.

 I went to the store yesterday in search of Chicken in a Biscuits and I couldn’t find them. When Kellie brought these to work last week I put one in my mouth and felt a sense of euphoria that food does not give me. Not even refried beans when it’s that time of the month make me feel this way. So I dropped my dog Oprah off at my mom’s because I’m scared to leave her in my car because she’s not that bright and someone might poison her or something if she’s in my car with the window down and won’t stop barking at them. But then she spilled a big bucket of rain water in the dirt and rolled it. She was covered in mud. Not just a little bit of mud on her feet…I mean COVERED. I think my car is in dire need of a good detailing at this point. On Sunday there was a little bit of Sprite spilled all over the middle part of the back seat. No big deal. But the large clumps of mud on my windows and doors and on the mats is a little much. I had to take her home and bathe her which was a nightmare. You would think I was beating her or something. She curls up in  a ball and has the saddest puppy face and I was waiting for her to pee in my tub. She didn’t, but I felt so bad. I should’ve been a nice mom and let her jump on my bed covered in mud. Maybe next time. Back to how this started…someone brought Chicken in a Biscuits to the studio for me. And Easy Cheese! And they brought an extra box and squirt bottle of cheese! Thanks so much! My brain is happy about that and my tongue is even happier.

Speakin of my tongue…I’ve been so lazy this week. I’ve not worked out or anything. I’ve slimmed down and toned up and now I have to maintain. We will be in Mexico in May so I have to get motivated again. Stuffing my face with Chicken in a Biscuits and EZ Cheese isn’t helping me any. But they are so good and my taste buds love them so. Maybe if I quit talking about them I will quit craving them.

Can I just erase the majority of this weekend from my mind and from ever having happened? I’ve always known that I could be a total ass, but I didn’t know how far I could take it. Well, this weekend I proved it.

Friday was a good day for the most part. I think I reached my peak of exhaustion, though, because I laid down for a short nap at 7:15PM and woke up again at 11AM on Saturday. I set my alarm for no less than 4 times during the nap and I kept waking up long enough to reset it and go back to sleep. I apparently even had a conversation with Keith that I can’t remember. So there’s really not much more I can say about that. I slept. Big deal, right?

I start the next part of this not wanting to talk about all this so much, but I have to be honest even if it makes me look awful. This will for sure. But I have to deal with it. So here goes nothing.

Saturday was a testament to my being a moron. An apologetic moron, but moron nonetheless. I’d love to come up with a hundred excuses for my being an ass, but what’s the point. There is no excuse for totally going crazy on people because I can’t deal with stuff, especially when there’s really nothing to deal with. I wish I knew where to start but I don’t and I have to be careful not to reveal too much about the other people involved. So I won’t even get into the disaster of a story. Just know that I walked away looking like an ass. Period. And, as crappy as it’s going to feel to face my being an ass, I have every intention of apologizing to the third party I went off on. I was wrong so I have no question in my brain as to whether or not I should apologize. I’m just so stupid for getting myself in the position to have to.

Anyway, I feel defeated all over again so I’m gonna stop now. I’ve got a lot of introspection to do and then there’s this work thing, too.

For the first time in my life I have a negative balance in my account. It’s not my primary account because I would be vomiting non-stop knowing that I was $188 in the hole, but my fun money account is looking like I won’t be having any fun this weekend. I’m such an idiot.

I’ve had so much credit fraud I’m scared to use the debit card from my primary account a lot. So I opened up another one where I keep a minimal amount of money. That way if anyone does get the card info, they won’t get more than a couple hundred dollars or so. Right now if they stole my info they would owe money. Here’s what I don’t get though. They send me this little “you’re a loser with no money” cards in the mail with a rundown of charges and fees to show how I am so in the hole. Somehow I have a $.01 charge with a $38 bank fee attached to it. Does it make sense that I would charge a penny and why can’t they loan me the stupid penny since I have never been overdrawn before and hopefully never will be again? I’m thinking about marching into the bank and refusing to pay that fee because, truth be told I only spent like $12 I didn’t have in the account. But by the time they add up all the fees and junk I am negative balance. But I am too ashamed of my lack of money to show my face. And I don’t know how to transfer money from one account to the other nor do I even know how to deposit money into this account. I didn’t order checks so I don’t have any slips. I guess I could take one of my “you’re a broke loser” cards and find the account number somewhere on there. I guess.

I want to get a skill that I am really good at. I can’t sing all that good. I dance for fun and to be the center of attention, but I’m not sure that I’m great at that, either. I’m OK at my job, but I get paid to do that. Could I knit? Could I read books in my spare time? I’m not a good reader, either, because my eyes get too sleepy. And I used to stutter when I was little so my confidence is not really there. I’ll have to make a list of things that I might have the real potential of being good at and explore it a little further.

Flo-Rhonda…I thought it was hysterical. I guess that maybe I’m the only one. But I worked so hard co-writing the song. Maybe I’m a little too close to the song, like Kellie said. It’s kind of like my little run as M C Lazy I. I loved it and thought it had years of career boosting potential. But I was the only one. Anyway, thanks for listening to the two that we put together. I’d put up my own poll to see if anyone liked it if I knew how. Put putting up polls on the web as something else I’m not good at. Anyway, I think I’m pissy right now so I will stop typing and go kick dirt or something. Have a fantastic day.

I’ve had a great week, but it’s been overwhelmingly great because I am officially tired. Tired enough that I was late getting here this morning because I had to stop at 7-11 to get some Diet Dr. Pepper to stay awake long enough to get to work. I mean I probably could have made it to work just fine with no caffeine, but it just sounded good at the time. I’ve got a Red Bull going now, so I should be good to go soon.

Yesterday was the coolest day for me personally. My friends daughter is a big Jonas Brothers fan and I was able to bring her with me to work to meet the guys and have her picture taken with them and then get them tickets to the show last night. I think it was so neat because I get it. I had the same love for the New Kids on the Block that these kids have for the Jonas Brothers. I had my NKOTB sleeping bag and Joey t-shirt and Magic Summer VHS tape and everything else anyone would buy me. They had a great time at the concert and I had a ton of fun watching her other little ones. I just feel  like a horrible sitter for several reasons…some beyond my control.

First there’s the eating situation. How much salt is too much salt for a kiddo to put on chips? Is a hot dog and Pringles a well balanced dinner? What about grilled cheese and pickles? Is it too cold to go outside? What if they have on jackets? How do I make this kite work? Why does this comb have this metal thingy on it that looks like it may possibly be used to texturize hair? Oh, maybe because it is used to texturize hair and that’s why I now have a not too big but enough to notice ball of hair in my hand. How stupid am I? God help me if I ever have a daughter. Or I guess God help her because she might be in trouble. If I can’t even comb hair without completely screwing it up. Maybe I try too hard or maybe I am just that stupid. I don’t know.

Regardless I did ask the kiddos for a review of my sitting job at the end of the night and they both said that I did perfect. They are 4 and 6 and I’m pretty sure they would tell me if I was awful, wouldn’t they? I think I am thinking about this way too much. It didn’t hurt that they are fantastic kids…but I have to give myself a tad bit of credit for, if nothing else, trying. Anyway…

I wish that I could give a couple of for instances of the night justice. The horrible feeling of knowing that the comb doesn’t just get the knots out…but it also CUTS the knots out. I would legitimately call myself heartless if my heart had not sunk into my stomach and then reflux kicked in and I wanted to throw up. Horrible.

We all made it through the night and I slept hard. I wouldn’t have slept at all if I’d have thought that I’d have done wrong in any way.

J-Si and I make the next music video today, so that will be up on Friday. I don’t have the LSU beanie with me today, so wearing it is not even an option which makes me sad cause it was going to be my hook. Oh well. Maybe next week.