Shanon’s Blog

I can be a pretty selfish person. I’ll admit that When I write a blog it’s always about me and what I did or how messed up I am or what I ate that day…I know this. Today I wanted to do something a little different and write about my dad since Father’s Day is coming up.

We did a bit on the show this week where we call our dad’s and ask for quick little stories from when we were growing up. I didn’t expect to hear that I did a whole lot of anything cute when I was little, but in my dad’s eyes I did.

What sucks about this is that I’m almost 27 years old and I’m just now realizing this. I’ve never been especially close to either of my parents. I was the typical but painfully quiet teenager and I don’t make as much time for them as I should. I’ve got my own thing going on and it keeps me busy. And, as selfish as it is, I don’t stop very often to just call or go and visit. I should do that more often, but I don’t.

I never thought that I would cry over a story my dad would tell about me on the show, but I did. When he said that I went as daddy’s little girl for Halloween I just cried. You hear stories about the stupid crap we do when we’re little and most of it comes as no surprise and is totally insignificant. And to be totally honest I don’t really know why this story hit me like a ton of bricks and made me cry on the air, but it did. I think it’s because I’m not a “daddy’s little girl” kind of person and to know that this story sticks out in his head really touched me. Maybe it was more in hearing my dad tell the story and the fact that he sounded so genuine in the fact that it made him smile to think about it. I don’t know. But nothing can make a person feel like a huge wuss like crying over a random story of something you did when you were a kid.

It’s so funny how the way I view my parents…my dad in particular…as I’ve gotten older. I’ve always loved him, but now that I can appreciate all of the things that he has done for me and all that he’s sacrificed to make me the person I am. I used to not see him very often, like a lot of kids, because he worked a lot. My mom did too and for a while it changed so that my dad was the one at home making dinner every night and taking care of us while my mom worked. I am so much like my dad in my moods and I used to get so weirded out when he would be in a bad one. When we get genuinely mad about something and our moods go sour, you don’t want to be around us. My dad’s eyes would even change colors with his moods. I never understood why he didn’t play with us more or why he would yell at me for running in and out of the house, but now I get it. He’s my DAD. The one man in this world who can keep me in line and teach me the things that I need to be taught. He knew what his job was and he did it, even if I thought he was just being mean or hateful at the time. It sucks being called mean and having a kid think that you are making them do things just for the sake of doing them.

Even though I don’t think my dad reads this, there’s some stuff I want him to know.  So Dad, if you do see this…I’m sorry I didn’t appreciate you more when I was younger. I’ve learned so much from you. Your work ethic has stuck with me. Your moodiness was passed along in your genes. So was your premature gray hair. But I think that I got some of the best things that you and mom had to offer, too. I worry each and every day that I have disappointed you in some way. Maybe a 2 year degree won’t make you as proud as a 4 year degree. I don’t have kids for you to spoil and it might be a little bit before I do, but you’re patient with me. You’ve accepted me for who I am and I know that’s not been an easy thing to do. It’s so funny because you told me the other day that you’re proud of me and I about lost it because I do worry about these things. In my head I should be in a house by now and driving a better car than I do and letting you and mom move into a brand new house, but I’m not here and you’re OK with that. I remember when I was like 18 and I was working two jobs and going to school full time and you knew that I was overwhelmed and you wrote a note to me saying that you would support anything I decided to do. Quit a job, take a break from school. Whatever. I kept going, but just knowing that you would accept whatever decision I made meant more to me than I would ever be capable of showing.

I know I’m selfish and that I don’t do you or mom justice, but in my mind I realize that I’ve turned out pretty OK and that it’s because of you guys. I can write thank you in a Father’s Day card all day long, but I might as well just share it with the tens of people who read this blog. You deserve to be recognized as the hardest working man I’ve ever known. You are selfless and giving and I truly do look up to you. And you know what? If you’re OK with it, I’m proud to be daddy’s little girl as long as you’ll have it. I know I’d be more like daddy’s little mid-20’s woman now, but the details are not that important.

I love you, Dad. Happy Father’s Day.