Shanon’s Blog

I had a lot of time to do a lot of soul searching last night. Chelsea was kind enough to ask me if I wanted to be a sub on the kickball team and I said yes. I couldn’t make last weeks game because my workday ended up being insanely long. But last night I went and I was early and watched a game and a half. I’d only played Sloshball before where the rules involve drinking and I don’t even remember what else, so I needed to figure out how this game worked. I still don’t really know what happened, but I know I was able to get on the bag twice. I kicked two times and got on two times. I rotated as catcher. It was the most fun I’ve had since Saturday night. Kickball is so much more fun than stupid football ever was. There’s not the playbook and all the pressure from the boys. There’s intro music as you walk up to the plate. My song was “Shawty Get Loose.” Duh. What else would I ever pick in a million years? It was a blast and then after the game everyone goes to a place to have a beer and sing karaoke. I didn’t expect to be welcome with such open arms. Emily, Summer and I did Run DMC’s “Tricky Tricky.” At the end of the song my shorts got pulled down. Thank goodness I was wearing my under Armour boy shorts because they’d have seen WAY more of me than they ever wanted to. I think I was definitely not the star of the song, but I tried. Maybe we can hold rehearsal or something for next week if anyone else is on board.

I left a little after 10:30 to go home, shower, and be in bed by 11ish. That didn’t happen. I’m rollin’ down the road (635 for the locals)to hit 35 north and go home. That worked just fine for like 5 seconds, but then the freeway comes to a dead stop. Not slow down. Dead stop and there’s NOWHERE to go. More 18 wheelers all around me than ever before. Even the emergency lane was full of cars at a dead stop. It took me 2 hours to go about 3 miles. I was dying. I swear my bladder gets smaller by the day and I felt it badly. I’m not lying when I say that I was sweating because I had to go so bad. But I couldn’t get over because there were big rigs all around me. I I won’t get into the details of this disaster anymore, but it was the most horrible two hours of my birthday month. Not really. The worst two hours would be more relationship oriented. But this was physically the worst my body has felt in a long, long time. Anyway, it was BAD. I rolled down my windows because I swear I was losing my mind and I could hear people around me yelling profanities because it was so insanely ridiculous. I was about to cuss right there with them, but I called my dad for a few minutes instead. That’s all that I need is someone egging on my tendency to get mad, so I rolled my windows back up and listened to “Shawty Get Loose” again because it’s still my happy song.

Speaking of relationships…I think I mentioned this before, but I don’t remember for sure. I find it so odd that Keith and I never date people at the same time. Like the day my last relationship came to an end, he had a “going  out” with someone. Now I’m sitting on the couch yesterday hearing kissy noises and it reminds me that I’m single again, which I hate but am OK with at the same time. I think I’ve been so mad about the way things ended in the last relationship, I’ve not really cared about moving on. I think Chelsea was right when we talked about this whole situation. I’m a relationship person. I like being someone’s other half. So maybe I force it. Maybe I need to focus more on relationships other than another half. Friends. Who knows…maybe the person I’m meant to be with is one of my friends? I don’t know. Maybe I’m so bad at the relationship thing that I’m supposed to be alone. I don’t know. And maybe I need to accept the fact that I don’t HAVE to know. Maybe that’s the beauty of it. People always say to take it as it comes, but I’ve never been one to do that. So I’m going to give it a shot. It might be a huge failure, but at least I know I tried.

I also have to figure out how to accept the fact that Keith is doing all of the things that I do when I start to date someone. So what if we all made plans…initiated by him…to hang out on Saturday? Now he wants to go to lunch with the love interest. I shouldn’t be pissed off at him. I should be happy that he’s happy. And I should be OK with the fact that he’s going to want alone time with the love interest just like I used to, only I’m going to give it to him. I don’t want him to have to tell me that he wants 15 minutes alone. I should be mature enough to realize that he’s got just as much right to wander the apartment as I do and I am going to respect that without his having to ask for it. I have to learn to ask for the same from him. I think that’s why I’m so pissy with him right now. I shouldn’t expect him to think the same way that I do and I might have to buy him lunch occasionally to have alone time. I don’t know. But I do know that I’ve got to figure out how to reign my temper in with him because I think I’m letting it get the best of me. I’d rather leave my apartment for 6 hours than listen to kissy noises right now. That’s bad. Not supportive. It makes me a bad friend.

Anyway, that’s all for now. I’ve buried myself in work and friends as much as I can and need to just learn to deal with the stuff going on around me. So, that’s what I’m going to do. Wish me luck!